Trade This Life To Be Back "home"? NEVER

I like to write things down. A lot. I write everything down. I write lists like crazy. I write what I'm thinking, or lyrics to songs I want to remember. I also tend to write down dates and times of things that I'm doing that I want to remember, or that I want to go back later and write in my journal about. Sometimes I have millions of pieces of paper folded up, and shoved into my bag, only later to find half of them a code that I cannot decipher.

Sometimes when I can't seem to find a reason why I would write a particular thing down, I just opt for taping or gluing it in my journal because it had to have been important right? Occasionally what I write down is hilarious, and other times it's quite disturbing. Once I found a folded napkin in the side pocket of my purse, that had a date and the word "HATE" written on it in capital letters. I can't remember what exactly I was doing on that date, or who exactly I was with, but it's clear that I was not pleased. And once I found a yellow sticky note that said, "Sandwiches here RULE. Come back. Order turkey". But no where on the sticky did I write where I had eaten this amazing sandwich.

The other night I got lost trying to go somewhere, and ended up spending what felt like an entire day on the bus. On the way home I wrote this in my notebook :
 

 
That pretty much sums it up.

The Invitation

Figuring Out The Kind of Traveler, Friend, and Person I Want to be all in one Weekend

This past Friday was a holiday, Buddha’s birthday to be exact. We were excused from work on Friday, and I decided to visit a very dear friend of mine from Spain who is teaching 3 hours away in Gwangju. I left Thursday evening after work, and I have to say I am quite impressed with public transportation here in Korea. I showed up at one of the main train stations in Seoul, was able to book a train for an hour later, and arrived 3 hours on the dot later in Gwangju. It was the smoothest train traveling I have ever taken. 

We arrived back at her apartment near midnight, drank some wine, and went out on the town to dance the night away. On Friday afternoon, we decided to scout the town to see what was happening at a local temple. Of course it being Buddha’s birthday, there were tons of ceremonies and things to do in the towns center. We ended up walking around a small temple, and the local Koreans were actually quite pleased to see us there. Well at least it seemed. They might have just been surprised to see four young American women, and our friend Joe who is almost 7 feet tall. Needless to say they were in awe, and even asked our friend Rachel to come up on stage to talk about America. Saturday turned cold and rainy, which was a bit odd because Friday was insanely hot and humid. But it was wonderful just to sit around my friend’s apartment, drink wine and cook together on Saturday night. I arrive back in Bundang around 4ish on Sunday. 

 It's a funny thing coming back to my apartment here in Bundang. It felt like I was coming home, to my home. It was a good feeling, an accomplished feeling, a comforting feeling. I remember feeling that after arriving back from trips in Europe when I lived in Sevilla.  It makes me feel like I'm making a little dent in this chaotic life that is Korea.

I learned quite a lot from this short trip down South. But then again I always learn so much when I'm around inspiring women like my friend Anna. I have never met a more beautiful soul. She makes me realize what kind of person I am, and what kind of person I want to be. She makes me take a step back from my life, and really look into it from the outside. And when I see me through her eyes, I see someone strong, intelligent, loyal, creative, loving, and brave. When I speak with Anna I discover new music, new art, new styles that I want to adopt into my life. And every time I see her, I come back yearning for a creative outlet that's bursting at the seams. So I come back to Bundang in search of more knowledge about the culture of Korea, the artistic genre of Korea, and something that can/will sustain my creativity in Korea. Last week I went to an open mic night, but was too afraid to get up on stage. This week I will go to that open mic night, get up on stage, and lose my inhibitions. 

I also discovered what kind of traveler I want to be, and kind of traveler I have been. A friend of mine from high school also came along the trip down South, and has been in Korea for 6 months or so. However, she doesn't seem to be happy in Korea. And to be quite honest, not many foreigners seem to be happy in Korea. They complain...a lot. They complain about the Koreans, the culture, the city, the air, the water, the work. It's true what they say, "Misery Loves Company", because when a group of foreigners get together they seem to do nothing but complain. The one thing she kept saying that struck me as odd that I've heard numerous times before, "This is not the real world".  I finally said to her, this IS the real world! What other world could this be? "Back home", is no more real than the life we're living here. In that moment I realized the kind of traveler I want to be. I want to be always in the now, always in the moment, always in the country I am traveling in. I don't want to be constantly referring to things back "home", or constantly being anxious about what I will do if/when I return "home".  I want to be able to realize where I am in the world, why I am here in this place right now, where I have been, and where I am going. I want to be the kind of traveler that looks back occasionally, looks forwards sometimes, but is always looking in the mirror. Here. I am here. I am not at home; I am not in my next destination. I am here. 

Being around these women this weekend, also made me realize what kind of friend I want to be. And what kind of friend I hope that I am. I want to be the kind of friend that inspires creativity, that lends a hand or a cup of coffee in the morning. I want to be the kind of friend that makes eggs and toast in the morning. I want to be the kind of friend who gives advice, but most importantly doesn't feel like I need to give advice. I want to be able to listen freely first, and offer my opinion second. Recently I have come into a situation regarding a long-standing friendship that has confused me, that saddens me. I have come to the realization that I want to be the kind of friend that doesn't turn my back on you, that always has my door open. I want to be the kind of friend that is honest, even if honesty will hurt. I want to be the kind of friend who will do anything for friendship. The kind of person who will always be there, never turn my back, even when your back has been turned to me. 

The weekend prior to this was the Lotus Lantern Festival in celebration of Buddha’s birthday as well. I took some photos, although with so many people crowding the street it was hard to get a quality shot.  I have attached some photos, and apologize for the lack of photography skills. These past two weekends in Korea have been a blessing, have been truly character building. 

Trouble with a capital T

Dear Random Korean Cab Driver,

   I sincerely apologize for vomiting in your very clean cab last night. It certainly was not my intention to become so intoxicated, sometimes these things just happen. I also wanted to thank you for not kicking me out of your cab, you know, because of the vomit. I was highly impressed at your concern for my well-being, as I noticed you rolled down the window and even tried to slow down as I opened the door while you were doing 80mph over the Han River.

  In retrospect, it probably wasn't the best idea to go to Ladies Night for free drinks. But it was night time, I'm a lady, and I'm not sure if you've noticed..but Americans love free stuff. Needless to say, it was what led me to be in such a state while in your cab.

 I hope you know that I feel terrible about it today, and you're probably cursing me right now. Maybe you're not cursing me right now, your mother probably taught you better. I know what you're thinking, and yes my mother did teach me not to drink too much. But that's really here nor there, and like I said, these things happen sometimes.

  However, I did give you all my money last night. Which I'm fairly certain was double what the cab ride actually cost. So go ahead, treat yourself to something nice, or perhaps a new detailing job on your cab. Your choice.

  I hope you take my apology, although it's very likely I will never see you again. It's probably what's best anyway. Thank you again, have a wonderful Saturday!

 

Searching for hope from Korea

I've been meaning to post for a few weeks now. I've been in Korea almost a month, and there is so much to say and so much to reflect on. I have had too many ideas, too many posts, and it has been difficult to narrow down which ones I want to write about.

However today, this post, has absolutely nothing to do with Korea. This is about home. I've never really identified with a "home" because I have been constantly moving around for as far back as I can remember. But when people ask me where I'm from, I say Colorado. Colorado is the place that feels most like home to me. I go back to Colorado and recognize things, I recognize people. I can recognize the way my family was, and how our life used to be when we all lived there together. I see restaurants we visited, schools I attended, and houses we lived in. We will always have a home in Colorado, we will always go back to Colorado. In Colorado there will always be a "we", and that's why I cling to it so much.

I also have a best friend from Colorado. And today it saddens me from the darkest part of my heart to find a single sentence message in my inbox from him. Today, the only mail I have opened is this mail. Today, the only thing I have thought about is this sentence. Today I weep for my best friend, I weep for his family, I weep for my hometown.  I cannot get the words, the sentence, the sound of my best friends voice out of my head. Today everything stops in Korea.  Everything stops in Colorado.

Today, "something terrible happened, we lost my brother."