So I woke up this morning feeling really confused, angry, and....old. Yep. Old. I know what you're thinking. I am only 24, coming up fairly soon on 25 haha. But I'm old. Bottom line. I tried to lay in bed for awhile before getting up for coffee to figure out why it is I feel this way. The answer to feeling confused and angry are easy actually, and that in some way is comforting. I'm confused about why in the last month what I thought my life was going to be just suddenly came crashing down because of one person. And I'm angry because how dare I let all my dreams and hopes rely on one person who can so easily bring them down?
But the answer to feeling old took me a little while longer to figure out. Here is how I figure it, and hopefully how I propose to fix it (cross your fingers). I went to high school, and a few months later attended college. Although I did transfer colleges a few times, I graduated with a degree I was rather interested in. I travelled as much as I could in college, and even studied abroad. So I did everything right....right? In life it seems everything is laid out for us in some sort of a time-line. High school, college, career, marriage, kids...maybe. But what if, I don't want a career? What if this whole time I've been thinking I'll just float along in life, dreaming of new things, and hope that someday something (or someone) will just up and grab me and that'll be my answer? Well I think it's safe to say that whatever life I thought I had floated onto, has just informed me that I will no longer be continuing on that path....and will have to create a new one.
Me?! Create my OWN life...ewwww. That sounds really friggin' hard if you ask me. But I've been brainstorming, and even though I feel really old this morning, I gather I'll be feeling even older if I don't start makin' moves so to say. So I'm just going to say it. Hopefully saying it will lead to actually trying to do it.
I am going to travel the world! Really...I am. That's going to be my career. Yes I am aware it is expensive, dangerous, and a lot of work. But what if I do make traveling my career? Initially I figure I'll have to save a big chunk of change to get me started. But once I'm off, flying to another country, I hope to travel my way as long as I can. Either until my money runs out, or until I find whatever it is I'm looking for. I can elaborate on my plan later, but wanted to actually get it out on paper so I can come to the realization that this is something I'm working towards.
When I was living on Oahu, I lived right on the beach on the 18th floor of a building called the Trade Winds. My roommate and I used to stand by our balcony and watch the people below, or the sunrise or set. It used to be a running joke we had, but whenever I would come up to the balcony I would scream, " Hello World!" at the top of my lungs. Well now I think I'll take that quite literally.
Hello World. Goodbye desolation.
