Last night I was trying to fall asleep thinking about the usual three things I tend to think about before bed. 1) Whether or not my current situation could be a topic for the Oprah show. 2) Listing all the things I would say if I ever came across the person I hate the most. And 3) Where I'm going next, the people I'm going to meet, and the epic adventures I have encountered in the past.
But that's really beside the point. As far back as I can remember, my family and I have been moving around. I don't think we've ever lived in one place for more than four years maximum, and personally I've never lived anywhere longer than a year. I've changed apartments, houses, counties, every six months since I was 18 and moved away from "home".
While I have the drive to keep moving around, to keep traveling, to experience everything I can, sometimes I wonder just how much this 24-hour chaos is affecting me. Everyone always talks about their childhood best friends, or even their current best friends. I think I could name a "best" friend in every town I've ever lived in. But to say that I still keep in touch with all of them, or even half the people I've come across in my short lived life, would be a complete lie.
That's a little troubling for me. To me, the most important thing about life is the people we come in contact with, the lives we affect, and the people who affect ours. I am truly, genuinely interested in making authentic friendships and relationships. And to be honest, that has been really hard thus far. When you're constantly moving, traveling, and planning next trips it makes time and effort to get to know people rather difficult. For some. But not for me.
I sometimes wish everyone had the same desire. The simple desire to get to know another person, to affect and be affected. I know that acquaintances and small talk are unavoidable while living this life. But I'm constantly searching for something else, something a little more substantial.
And while I'm writing this I realize maybe it's not just the authentic relationships that I'm looking for. Maybe I'm looking for authentic experiences, to experience a new place, or a new life. I just know that for so long I was looking for these things, and in reality I wasn't being authentic to myself.
Confused yet? So am I. What I do know is this: if I meet you along the way, I promise that I will be genuinely interested in getting to know you, in what you're doing, and how you are. And I expect nothing more or nothing less in return. If you are a person, a country, or a book I read....I will be true to you. Because that's the way life should be.
I do not regret moving around all the time, or making my life a vagabond of sorts. Do I wish that I had a constant circle of friends and people I love around me? Sometimes. But I'm simply not satisfied with that kind of life.
"Do not think that love, in order to be genuine, has to be extraordinary. What we need is to love without getting tired." -Mother Theresa
5 comments:
Nice post, something I think about a lot too. I'm comforted by the fact that while I'm constantly on the move, the truest friendships I've made on the road, in the space of months, have withstood the test of distance. We may only see each other once every few years, or chat on skype once every few months, but I would count these 3 or 4 people as closer to me than some of the friends I went through high school with. Authenticity is definitely possible.
know that no matter where your lovely self is, those that are like you (those unique individuals who truly cherish authentic relationship) will always genuinely be there.
A cliche that I will gladly support.
Cam - I completely agree with you! And how awesome of you to come across my blog and comment. I am jealous that you are in Peru, that is definitely on my list of destinations! I hope to follow you more along your journey. Cheers to traveling and authenticity!
Kristin- I HEART EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU! I support that cliche, and I support you. :)
A very insightful and valid blog about life when you can't stay in one place for an extended period of time. I too had a life virtually identical to what you have lived. Except for thinking about numbers 1 and 2. Mostly because of what I feel about Oprah (which you know), and the fact that life is too short to hate someone, especially when something is so complex. I say: Shine On You Crazy Diamond (Pink Floyd). But Led Zeppelin is the music equivalent to Zeus.
Absolutely my pleasure! Very much enjoying your blog, keep dreaming!
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