My dad's a funny little man. It's true, quite literally. I'd say he's pretty funny at times, and every year he seems to be shrinking. I have no idea why he's shrinking, well actually I do but that's neither here nor there. But now I don't feel so bad when he peaks his little head out around the corner and I say, "Whatcha doin' lil guy?".
I've been home for a few months now, doing normal things people do when they're home. Like being cut open a lot (again neither here nor there), helping my dad settle into retirement (seriously boring), and saving money (and not making any either, so I don't know if it's technically "saving" money but rather trying really hard to keep my bank account at a standstill).
All of the above makes me realize how much I cannot wait to live alone. I've never lived alone. I haven't lived alone for the entire 25 (well almost 25, in two days) years I've been on this Earth. And I've had some crazy ass roommates. I've had roommates that throw my clothes out of our 6-story window and walk around naked in front of my boyfriend. I've had roommates that aren't really roommates because they're only there to do the three S's; shit, shower, and shave. I've had roommates who poor milk all over the entire apartment when they move out. And I've had roommates who make up songs entitled Making Fun Of Retarded Kids Ain't Funny, and blast Hanson until the wee hours of the morning.
But living with a handful of people that can be classified as socially inept, hasn't even compared to being back home and living with my parents. So I'm here to vent because venting to my parents about how annoying it is being back home, only gets met with comments about how lucky I am to be mooching off of them the last few months. Yeah yeah yeah, I'll be out of your hair (in fact out of the country) in less than a week 'rents.
- Top 10 Things That Drive Me Crazy About My Dad:
1. He's nearly deaf. I discovered this because I can have an entire conversation with the back of the man's head, and he won't even move a muscle. Also because the T.V only goes up to 60, and it's ALWAYS on 60.
2. He drives at least 5 mph UNDER the speed limit.
3. He chews the exact same amount of chews each time he places an item of food in his mouth. Three open mouth chews, followed by four closed mouth chews before swallowing. (It's stuff you notice after awhile...trust me).
4. He can sit in the same position for up to 8 hours a day, in a row. This is called retirement.
5. He hoards paper. It's true. There are stacks and stacks of paper in the office. If you try to designate a little corner for your own important papers, they get swallowed whole and lost forever in less than 2.5 seconds.
6. The man loves paper towels. I find little wadded up sheets of paper towels in places you wouldn't believe all over our house. Under the couch cushions, in the pantry, on the table, under the table, in the bed, in the laundry basket, anywhere BUT the trashcan.
7. He's not the best conversationalist. I can be stomping around the house crying hysterically, laughing hysterically, or doing anything hysterically, and he won't have a word to say about it. Not one.
8. He doesn't own a cell phone.
9. He watches Smallville.
10. He can't figure out the washing machine. The last time he put his clothes in the washer, he found some insane wash cycle I didn't even know existed, but apparently washes your clothes for FOUR HOURS!
** Of course I can't say all these things that drive me insane about my dad, without saying 10 things that I really love about my dad. Because hey, it's true what they say. Family: you can't live with 'em, and you can't live without 'em.
10 Things That I Absolutely Adore About My Dad:
1. He's worn the same exact pajamas every night since I was born, and probably before that. I find it endearing.
2. He's an amazing photographer. One day when I'm all grown up and have my own place in Sevilla, Edinburgh or New York, I'll have every photograph he's ever taken on every wall in my apartment.
3. He has to get his pants hemmed, even jeans. Because he's little....and cute.
4. When I was younger I was convinced he was the real life Inspector Gadget. He looks just like him.
5. He has amazing taste in music, and still owns every cassette tape and CD he's ever bought. And not to mention his itunes library. I can single handedly thank him for my obsession and dire love of the blues.
6. He's an extremely positive person, and always has a good attitude...all things considered. And those things being considered are my mom, my brother and myself. We're hell.
7. He's really crafty. MacGyver ain't got nothin' on pops.
8. He tries really hard to make my mom happy. And that's really sweet because my mom is insane. (Mom if you're reading this, that is a compliment. People who are not insane are mundane and boring. People who are not insane have office jobs and business degrees, thus being mundane and boring. Without your insanity we all would be nowhere).
9. He's probably the most genuine person I've ever met.
10. He's really old fashioned, and I love that. He's into wooing, opening doors, saying please and thank you, trying harder, stuff like that. I'll marry a man like that one day.
Graduation 2009
1 comment:
awww, this is just the cutest little picture i've ever seen...
Post a Comment