The Land of the Morning Calm in Black and White

Upon signing onto Skype this morning, I received a link from a very dear friend of mine. It said, "I have a black of white photo of you, and you look amazing."  So she sent me the photo (although amazing is quite an overstatement, ha) and she also sent me a few other photos she took while living in Korea.  They are all absolutely amazing, and I wanted to share them here.

Anna Martinez, your raw talent rocks my world.

Feeling a bit Seoulless

I've been feeling a bit off my game lately. I have mentioned this feeling once before, but this time it has proven to be quite persistent. I can't even explain what the feeling is, or really even put my finger on what exactly it is. Something is just off, something is missing here. 

I know, you must think I'm crazy. With technology buzzing all around, coffee shops on every corner, and soju that costs less than $1 a bottle, what's there to miss eh? I'm sorry but I think I've had my fill of high heels, rice for every meal, and walking past grown men passed out with their pants around their ankles every weekend. You know what we say when people ask us what it's like to live in Korea? We say, "It's like living in a joke". Seriously. It's like nothing you could ever predict or imagine. 

Besides missing common sense, Korea is missing something more. Today I was hanging out in a friend’s apartment and we were reminiscing about the times we had both spent in Spain. We looked through pictures, listened to music, and even had a little one-on-one Salsa dance lesson. (She was the one teaching, I was the one learning.) However, I left her place with that pit in my stomach. The pit that has been waiting to be filled with culture, with history, or perhaps just with a chicken burrito from Chipotle. 

Living in a concrete jungle is an understatement when it comes to Korea. Sometimes I feel like I'm inside a pac men game when I go down one street, only to realize I've come in the complete opposite side of the street I wanted, but it all looks identical. Besides the food and all the Koreans walking around everywhere, it's basically the same as living in the U.S. I don't feel that Korean culture. There have been a few times I've been completely immersed in a book or my ipod on the train, only to suddenly be jerked back into reality and look around to find I'm literally the only white person in miles. Things are written in English, there are American restaurants everywhere, and I speak English all day long. 

I just wish there was the inspiration I felt at any given moment while walking down the street in Spain. I wish I could feel the passion, the music, the history in anything here. The Koreans work all day long, the kids go to school for even longer, and everyone is so delirious by the end of the night they drink their sorrows away in soju. 

Now I don't want to be the asshole that keeps comparing Korea to back home or to a better place I've lived, but I can't deny that my heart is not fulfilled here. I think I may have a solution though. Fancy that! I've been listening to more and more Spanish podcasts, grooving to my Spanish music, and now have an inspiration/teacher for Salsa. SO, with that said...I may have to just get my Spanish-on while living in Korea.  Wouldn't it be just hilarious if I became fluent in Spanish while living in Korea rather than when I lived in Spain? Haha. 

I also think this lack of 'umph' I'm feeling in Korea may have something to do with the half way mark. I've been here almost 6 months, am in the middle of switching jobs, and am feeling like I have nothing in common with anyone. But I hope this funk will pass. I hope that with my love for Spanish culture, my interest in Korean culture will peak.  It's not that the culture is not here; it's just that it is masked by the busy-ness of the day-to-day life. But I think I gotta find that something I love, that something that inspires me to learn everything there is to know about everything.  

It will happen. Que sera, sera. Right? 

I leave you with this Youtube fav of mine right now.  

One Is The Loneliest Number

Today is The Fourth of July. Besides it being the fourth day of the seventh month, it is Independence Day back in the states. It was a weird day for me because I'm usually fairly excited about the fourth. The U.S traditions of barbeques all day long, good beer, and an amazing fire-works show to top off the night are all something I look forward to every year. I found myself avoiding other Americans here, and politely declining invites for barbeques. And I'm not really sure why. Maybe I've been in a bit of a funk this week, or maybe I didn't want to pretend that we could make the fourth as good as it is back home. Or maybe I didn't want to think about the states, people in the states, and what usually happens in the states on this day...at all.

Instead I did the normal Sunday duties. I made a big breakfast, did laundry, worked out, and attempted but failed to go grocery shopping. It was a fine day. And I'm okay with fine.

In the past week I have had some odd encounters with some Koreans. Most of the time any encounter with a Korean usually involves them treating me like a complete imbecile, staring at me like I'm from another planet, or just flat out pretending I don't exist. But the Koreans I have come in contact with (and when I say 'in contact' with I mean actually physical or vocal contact, obviously I come into contact with Koreans every single day), have been quite pleasant.

The first occurred when on a weekly walk with my friend Claire. We were crossing a bridge and this elderly Korean woman literally could not take her eyes off of us. So I waved and smiled, asked her how she was. She was taken back a bit, but smiled and mumbled something in Korean. We walked a bit further down the river and realized she was following us. She came right up on us and began talking to us. It was obvious with our blank stares that we did not understand what she was saying, but that did not seem to faze her. She kept speaking. She eventually grabbed us both by the arms and started to drag us down the path. She kept pointing up to some strange building, and gesturing wildly. This literally went on for 10-15 minutes or so, while Claire and I grunted something here and there and this woman-speaking non-stop in a language we did not understand. Then all of the sudden she hugged us, reached into her pocket, and handed us a small candy. She was actually very pleasant, and who knows what she was actually saying. But she seemed to like us, and if we could have understood each other who knows what kind of stories we could have shared.

The second occurred on that same day, as we were heading home. Since arriving we have been trained to keep our eyes on various trash areas in hopes to find something to furnish our almost completely bare apartments. On this particular day we found a gold mine. The apartment building next to ours had an entire treasure chest of things we wanted to take. Of course it just being the two of us, had to choose wisely. I really needed an office chair, and there was a decent one there. However, it was really short. I tipped it over and tried to unscrew all the knobs, when the Korean security guard came up. He started talking to us, but again we had no idea what he was saying. He was motioning with his hands and pointing down at the ground. We quickly realized he was saying there was a taller chair somewhere...presumably down in the ground? We weren't sure. He shuffled into the building and hollered at us to follow him. He went down to the basement, and opened this really large steel door. Now, looking back on this, it was probably really stupid of us to follow him into what we now call 'The Dungeon'. But this guy was a small, older Korean man, and we were certain we could take him if he tried any funny business. He then enters this pitch-black room, reaches up and pulls the light string. And there it was. A lone office chair much larger than the one in the trash, in a very dusty, creepy basement. Why was the chair in there execution style all alone in this creepy basement? We didn't ask. We took the chair, thanked the man, and went on our way.

It seems as though just when I think I have figured out my stance on a culture, or a place (bad or good) something happens and I change my mind. Even the coffee shop I visit every morning before I head into school, has a nice Korean owner who shares her fruit with me when I have the time to sit down.

When I was out on my walk today, I sat down on some rocks to take a little break. I started to think about my time here in Korea thus far, and what's to come next. And before I knew it I had tears in my eyes. And the strange part? I couldn't for the life of me figure out why I was upset. I just was. Maybe I was lonely, or maybe I was thinking of people celebrating the Fourth back home. Maybe I was missing someone I shouldn't miss, or wishing I could talk to a friend who turned me away. Maybe I was thinking how long a year actually is, and how sometimes the traveling I want to do after seems so far away.

Sometimes I feel off my game in this country, while sometimes I feel the strongest I have been in a long time. I change my mind about Korea everyday. And I suppose that's a good relationship to have with Korea. If it were too good I wouldn't want to leave and fulfill my goals of travel. And if it were horrible I would be high-tailing it back "home", where I feel more out of place than ever.

Sometimes you just have those days you know? Even in a country full of 50 million people, I still feel lonely sometimes.

Koreans and Their Nonsensical Ways : Part I

Koreans and Their Nonsensical Ways: Part I

This will be part one of I’m sure plenty of lists that will voice the perplexity that is Korea. Or Koreans themselves rather, and their perplexing ways. It’s just a fun list people, so don’t get your panties in a twist over some of the very stereotypical and some downright racist things this list might include. I’m American. And everybody hates Americans for some reason or another. And everyone is perplexed by the behaviors of Americans. So let me have my list.

1 – They eat with two sticks more commonly referred to as chopsticks. I’ve never spent so much time concentrating on getting the food to actually arrive in my mouth, and not in my lap.

2 – Koreans are completely nonsensical about temperature. Whether it’s 90 above and they refuse to put on the air-conditioner, or 90 below and they have all the windows wide open!

3 – Running like a bat outta hell…everywhere. Even if a Korean isn’t in a hurry, they’re running. Running for kimchi, running for a seat on the train, running for a few seconds…stopping…and running again. I always tell people, ‘Koreans are always running somewhere, but going no where.’

4 – The women wear heels ALL DAY EVERYDAY. Now I can strut my stuff in heels, not gonna lie, but I certainly couldn’t where them day in and day out. They also insist on wearing skin colored tights under everything, shorts, skirts, dresses, and pants.

5 – Need a refrigerator or washing machine? All you have to do is run down a passing van or truck with a loud speaker attached to it, and an old Korean man yelling the latest deal on a household appliance. Really? Why would I buy a buy a washing machine from a guy in a van zipping by me, yelling god knows what into his mega-phone. 

6 – When hiking even the smallest of hills in Korea, Koreans will wear a hiking outfit fit for Bear Grylls. In head to toe North Face, hiking boots, and a hiking poll…they mean business.

7 – Koreans don’t sweat. Bottom line. I just don’t get it. I show up to work, my face dripping in sweat and beet red to boot. The teachers look at me in bewilderment, like I just stepped off of Mars or something. “Kasserin! It's warm today huh?" Warm?! I'm damn near melting!

8 – Koreans hate foreigners, especially Americans. (At least in my opinion) Yet everywhere you look there are English signs, restaurants, and models on their advertisements. And more than 3/4 of the population sport t-shirts with grammatically incorrect English on them.

9 – It’s considered “inappropriate” to show your shoulders as a woman, or any part of your chest. But wearing a skirt or shorts so short you might as well not even be wearing them…seems to be tolerated.

10 – There are no public trashcans ANYWHERE. Basically people throw their litter in the middle of the streets.  It’s extremely dirty and polluted here. I suppose a Korean would argue it gives jobs to those who have to clean the streets at 3 am, but I think I’d rather be held socially responsible for throwing away my own rubbish rather than trudging along in a whole days worth on the side-walk. Yuck! 

Worlds Apart

I've recently become friends with a girl whom I have grown quite fond of the last few weeks. I think she might be the first genuine person I have met here in Korea thus far. I have learned that there are two types of people in Korea; those who are running away from something, and those who are running towards something. I think I'm a mix of the two. I suppose there could be a third type, those who come for the money, get comfortable with the life-style, and start dating a Korean. But that doesn't really count. Why? Just because I say so.

Today my friend and I were out and about, and we sat down for a moment before catching the train back to our neighborhood. She mentioned something so interesting to me that I'm still thinking of it five hours later. She grew up in Canada, in the same house, with the same friends, and living in a small town for most of her life. She did some traveling and lived in Turkey for a while. I on the other hand, have not lived in the same house for longer than two or three years, let alone state. I have lived in a total of seven states, and as of now three countries. I have also spent a lot of time traveling.

She said how amazing it seems that we came from such completely different backgrounds, the exact opposite almost, and we still both ended up here in Korea. Now. We are both still working, and anticipating the same thing. We are both eager to see the world, and want to spend a lot of our near future accumulating knowledge on other cultures and living abroad.

It's funny how strangers’ paths cross, and the people who seemed to be on the same path suddenly decide to choose a different one. Just these few months that I have been in Korea, have had such an impact on me. I used to think I had the worst luck in the world that I must have done something terrible in another life to have things turn out this way. I truly understand what it is to be independent, and to live every part of your life to your own being. I truly believe that what you put in is what you get, and will infinitely believe in karma.

Now I can understand why I felt like no matter how I tried the last five or six years, things just would not fall into place. I was not living for myself. I was making decisions based on something else, on someone else. I was struggling for approval from everyone, and not focusing on the approval from myself. I was convinced if I was making someone else happy, it would in return make me happy.

I not-so-quickly learned that I had gone about living in all the wrong ways. While I don't think that my life from here on out will be full of rainbows and unicorns, I do know that I feel better equipped to handle disappointment and defeat. And just learning that lesson makes everything before now worth it somehow. Although I miss things and people more than I should, and more than they will ever know, this is the place I should be. For the first time I can say this is the place I should be.

People ask me all the time if I get tired of moving around and traveling so much. And the answer is of course I do. I have done some amazing things, and will continue to do amazing things. Will I nest someday? Maybe. Will I continue to travel? Probably.