Proud To Be A Dreamer

Sunday Funday (err Tuesday) = Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros

2011-04-19T16:41:00.000-07:00

I'm trying to make up for my lack of blogging, but blogging can be harder than you think. But fear not, I come bearing delicious music that's bound to make you tap your foot, snap your fingers, and dance like a wild monkey. (What? You've never seen a dancing wild monkey?)

So with one of my favs and ipod hogging songs lately, here is Home by Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros. I love being able to see them too...aren't they ridiculously fabulous?!

Parent Anxiety

2011-04-19T00:25:00.000-07:00

When I think about my mom and dad, I don't like to think of them as my parents...together. I like to think of them as separate entities. It makes the way I view them, the way I feel about them seem better somehow. I don't know if I could ever explain it in a way that makes sense to anyone but myself, so I won't try.

My parents have known each other their entire lives, since they were kids. I'm sure their families were so intertwined that people around the block may have thought they were all brothers and sisters, before they eventually did become brothers and sisters by marriage. They've known each other for like 40 or 50 years, and that's just crazy sauce.

It seems so strange to me now that I'm grown, now that I come back home for extended periods of time. To me, they seem so fundamentally different, so polar opposite. Perhaps at one time they were very similar, and never even imagined exactly how different they were.

I worry about my parents a lot. I worry about them like they're my kids. I worry they're not happy, with their jobs, with their children, with each other. Sometimes when I look through old photos of them, I see their faces and I wonder what they envisioned their live would be like. I wonder if they felt like I feel right now, making plans, putting things in motion, trying to see what lies ahead without looking too far ahead. I wonder if they feel disappointed in their path, if they feel cheated in any way. I wonder if they think they're running out of time, or if they are perfectly fine with the pace they're going.

I hope that there are moments in their lives when they have been truly happy, truly in love, and felt that at that exact moment everything was exactly as it was supposed to be. I hope they still believe that can happen now, and in the future. I hope they realized that at this point in their lives, they still have the power to change things. They still have the power of belief, of positivity, of anything. I hope the advice they give me, they still believe for themselves.

Sometimes it gives me anxiety. I think my dad doesn't eat enough, he's too thin. I think when the clock turns midnight and my mom isn't home from work yet, that something has happened.

But I do know that no matter what happens in the next half of my parents lives, they have had one hell of a ride. I do know that at some point they were meant for each other. At one point they both lived their dreams, and out of their moments of happiness came my brother and I. I hope when they see me they see good and are proud. And I hope they don't hate me if they never get grandchildren.

Chuck and Holly (1912)

Birthday Smirthday

2011-03-30T11:12:00.000-07:00

So....yesterday was my birthday. Yep. The big 26. Which basically means I'm 30 because anything past 25 might as well be 30. I can tell you one thing, my body, my face, my well being is starting to feel more like a 30 year old. My crows feet, sagging skin, irritability is flying through the roof. I kid I kid, I'm in phenomenal shape, I love botox, and I owe my winning personality to finally getting out of Korea and working on moving to NYC baby!

Okay, all jokes aside, birthdays kinda suck as you get older eh? When I was younger it was like the second best day after Christmas. I would be counting down the day, so excited I could barely sleep. I would wake up and my mom would make her traditional french toast, and we would do whatever I wanted the rest of the day. I could do whatever I wanted because I was "the birthday girl", and nothing trumps the birthday girl.

The absolute best birthday I have ever had was my sweet sixteen. I remember being so bummed out because all day nothing "big" had happened. It seemed innocently enough, like just another day. My high school boyfriend was out of town on a baseball trip, and I didn't have many plans with my friends either. Around 3 or 4 o'clock, I got a call from one of my best friends asking if I wanted to head to the mall to help her look for a dress for an upcoming wedding she was attending. Reluctantly I said yes, it's not like I was doing anything else more interesting besides turning 16.

On the drive home, I received a call from my house. Assuming it was my mom, I picked up. But it was another friend of mine asking if I wanted to come over to her house for a sleepover. I was confused because the caller ID said my house, but it was my friend not my mom. I told her I would be over after I went home to gather some belongings. We pulled up to my house and all the lights were off. I didn't think much of it except for the fact that my mom was standing outside waiting for me. I asked her what the hell was going on, and she told me to come inside for a second. I go inside and the first thing I see is a HUGE like 10 foot long subway sandwich. Right away I knew this was going to be a night to remember. It's no secret, that sandwiches and myself, are quite fond of one another. Anyway, inching my way closer inside I turn the corner of our living room, and I see a sea of people yelling "SURPRISE!". The surprising part aside, my mom had called the local radio station, and got a DJ to come and set up a music/dance floor in the far corner of our living room. It was amazing! I had all my friends there, (some I wasn't even friends with haha), a live DJ, sandwiches, my boyfriend who was "supposedly out of town". It was honestly a great surprise, and I was thrilled with the spectacle.

The second, and close runner up was my 21st. Which involved shots starting at 10am, champagne and debauchery throughout the day, and a classy finish of 'Sexy Alligators' (which I'm fairly certain had Jagger in them, and they did not make me feel nor look sexy). It was amazing. And the term coined by my roommates at the time 'Katipalooza' will live on forever in good memories.

However, yesterday, was just yesterday. I suppose I can't expect every birthday to live up to those standards, but when you've had them it's hard not to compare. But it was nice as it could be for # 26. And the last year was just what I needed and just what I wanted for my 25th year in life. I saw things I never thought I'd see. I met people and did things I never though I would. And I made some great goals and decisions professionally and personally.

One thing that is so amazing about my life, is that each year it is drastically different than before. And I like it like that. Last year I was in Korea, the year before that Boston, and this year NYC. I like moving around, and I like doing different things. This year is all about friends, family, and being fabulous!

Here's to another crazy year! #26! Cheers!

Sunday Funday = Bob Dylan

2011-03-20T20:05:00.000-07:00

I love Bob Dylan. Plain and simple. I could sit all day, any day, listening to Bob Dylan. My favorite Bob Dylan song, hands down, is 'Don't Think Twice, It's Alright'. It has so many different meanings for me, and has helped me through so much, especially in the past two years with a certain turn of events. ;)

I apologize for the shitty video, but it was really hard to find out there! Anyway, the lyrics are perfect, his voice is perfect, and it's just a great song. Enjoy

Korea vs. America

2011-03-18T22:26:00.001-07:00

I've been home for a few weeks now, although it seems like a lot longer! I have been so busy since being home, it seems as though I was never even in Asia! It's a weird feeling. But I do miss SOME things (emphasis on SOME because I ain't gonna lie...it's good to be back baby!) about Korea. And now I will tell the two people that actually read my blog what they are. :)

Things I miss about Korea :

1. The mandu lady...or at least the lady that cooks the yummy, delicious, mandu that I ate literally 4 times a week when I lived there. It was so cheap, so good, and so quick. The lady was always very nice, even when we went in a highly compromised state at 4am, and asked for mandu to go, then proceeded to sit down at a table and eat it.

2. Living alone. I don't know if I'll ever live alone again. Honestly! I think I'm too scared to live alone in America! It's more than hard staying with my parents right now, when I move to NYC (cross your fingers!) I'll have a wonderful roommate, and then in the future with my beard sportin', plaid shirt wearin', guitar playin', delicious food makin', smokin' hot babe of a hubby.

3. Glee nights. Yes I know I can have Glee nights here in America, but still, that was a highlight of the week. And I don't care who ya are, if you don't like Glee, you simply don't like to laugh and smile, and have a good time.

4. Trains, planes, and automobiles. It is true, getting around in America is much harder than in other countries and cities. I miss the ease of the subway and buses. And also the insane people who sell the most random shit in the subways, always a good time.

5. Being oblivious. I was clueless all the time in Korea. I could tune out everything around me, and be perfectly content. I couldn't understand the people around me, nor did I care. It seems very loud here because I can understand everything everyone says. And eavesdropping isn't what it used to be!

6. A job (although stressful at times) that I could go to in the morning, leave at 5pm, and not think about it another minute.

7. Occasionally I miss one or two (I repeat, ONE or TWO) of my kids. Mostly I miss Daniel and his adorable obsession with Michael Jackson.

8. I miss random nights, that go on for all hours of the night, long into the wee hours of the morning. Only the best of things, and the worst of things happened on those nights out.

9. Fruit stands. So much delicious, in season fruit all the time. SO GOOD.

10. Tea days, tea nights, tea everything. Just getting together with the girls over tea, and gossiping through the night.

Things I love about America:

1. Coffee with cream in the mornings. You can't get cream in Korea, and I missed it like NO other while I was there.

2. The calm, quiet, mornings. Who ever said 'Land of the Morning Calm' was a LIAR. Because it is never quiet in Korea. Never. I love waking up with my window open, or taking a walk late a night, and having it be so calm and wonderful.

3. Sandwiches. I love sandwiches more than I love anything. You can't beat the sandwiches here...anywhere in the states. You just can't.

4. BBQin' outside on a gorgeous Spring/Summer day.

5. Bathtubs.

6. The Today Show. Okay okay, I know I can watch it online from anywhere. But I miss my morning routine of coffee and the Today Show on the tube.

7. Cute white boys.

8. Target. Who doesn't love Target?

9. Paula Deen. Who doesn't love butter?

10. The music. The music scene, the artists, the way it makes me feel. All of it. Especially some good ass bluegrass, folk, banjo music. And listening to a good ol' southern band called Old Crow Medicine Show, is one of my favorite things to do. It just makes me so damn happy! I saw them once in Tennessee, and I'll never forget it.

Home is where...my bed is.

2011-03-09T11:55:00.000-07:00

It has been a few days since being back in good ol' America. It has been a trip that's for sure. The trip itself was hell, but now that I'm on the other side it's not so bad. On the trip back I flew to Japan first, and then to Portland Oregon before coming back to my house in AZ. I have never felt so tired in my entire life, and getting off the plane my dad was no where to be found seeing as he went to the wrong terminal.

The last few days in Korea were definitely strange, packing up my entire life for the year. I ended up throwing away half of my stuff in order to make it all fit into my back pack. But it's just stuff right? On my last night, I went to dinner with a few of my close friends and coffee afterwards. On the way from the restaurant to the coffee shop, my friend managed to lose her wallet somewhere. We all searched the streets, asked the street vendors, and racked our brains as to where it could be. So we spent the rest of the night trying to figure out what to do, since my friend had all of her cards and cash in her wallet, and no cell phone. We ended up going back to my apartment and calling her mom to wire money over, and the rest of us pooled together our spare cash to give until the money was wired.

One of the things I'll miss most about Korea is the sheer generosity of the people when it comes to certain things. While we were all frantically trying to figure out how my friend was going to survive the next month with no money, there was a knock at my apartment door. Our upstairs friend was on the other side, saying she was on the phone with a clothing store that had found the wallet! It turns out the wallet had a business card of our recruiter inside, and the woman who found the wallet contacted our recruiter, who contacted our friend, who found us worrying in my apartment.

I have heard of many stories like these before in Korea. People who lose their ipods in cabs, purses in clubs, only to go back a day later and they are still there. It amazes me how things just show up in Korea, eventually somewhere down the line, that thing you thought you lost manages to show up again.

I have come down with a nasty cold since being home as well, and there is nothing better than being home while having a cold. I can stretch out on the couch, and ask my mom for hot tea and water. It really is kind of a treat to be sick at home, rather than on the road.

This summer brings many little trips through out the U.S, while I get my passport renewed. And we'll see what happens next! I will keep you guys updated!

Cheers!

Sunday Funday = Vince Vaccaro

2011-02-27T03:19:00.000-07:00

I am about to leave Korea in about 2 days, and it has been a whirlwind. It feels weird to be moving on and packing again. But I've been in this place many, many times before, in many different states and countries, with many different feelings about leaving a place.

But one thing that always sets me right when I'm packing is some good tunes. This one comes from a Canadian named Vince Vaccaro, who brings me back full circle to where I vision my life in the near future. If I could take all the places that I have lived and traveled in the world, and pack them into one place where I could live and wallow in forever, I would. This music in a strange way kind of does that for me. It reminds me of the laid back vibe in Hawaii, the nature vibe in Colorado and Tennessee, the hippie vibe of Humboldt, the friendships of Spain and Boston, the craziness of Korea.

It reminds me of that simple life that is so good.

Vince Vaccaro - Catch A Fire - Peak Performance Project 2010 from Vince Vaccaro on Vimeo.

Goodbye Ruby Tuesday

2011-02-24T04:11:00.000-07:00

I have to write about my time here in Korea now, even though I don't leave for another week. I'm afraid if I leave and write about it when I am at home, I won't be able to convey the types of emotions I am feeling at this particular time.

I can honestly say that I couldn't be happier how things are ending here in Korea. For awhile, things were a struggle here. In the beginning I had a blast, and then the 'new-ness' wore off, and I began to struggle. I struggled with meeting people, with work, with the culture, with the daily life of being a foreigner in a different country. I have always traveled, and always loved being a foreigner, but here I felt embarrassed to be a foreigner. I felt like everyone hated me, stared at me, pointed at me, pushed me on the subway, got angry because I didn't speak any Korean.

For a solid three or four months I became a hermit, I hibernated in my tiny apartment and did things on my own. I explored on my own, went to art galleries, restaurants, and coffee shops alone. All I wanted to do was be comfortable in Korea, but I didn't want to give up my independence, I didn't want to accept that my attitude had something to do with my outcome.

But something started to change right before Christmas. I felt like I was beginning to get back to the person I used to be, the independent, strong, open-minded person I've always been. And I began to really like myself, really like being alone, and just became happier. In turn this made me happier at work, happier with my friends here, happier and more willing to say "yes" instead of "no". So I promised myself after Christmas I was going to go out with a bang.

So the ending of Korea has been a blast, just like the beginning was. I have met people from all over the world here, and am leaving Korea with a smile on my face. I think this was the best decision I could have made at the time, and I don't regret it. I have struggled with regret in the past, but I truly think that the experience here and what I have gone through personally, will forever affect the person I am once I leave this country.

It is really nice when things come to an end, and everyone seems to just come together because it's the right thing to do. People are nicer, people are happier, people say things to one another they probably should have said a long time ago. But I don't think it would have been the same if things didn't happen the way they did here in Korea. It's just how it was supposed to happen. It was like the universe was testing me, asking me if I could take it, testing my ability to react to things.

Hey universe, I see your test, and I raise you a lifetime of being able to take it.

Cheers.

Final Days at School

2011-02-23T21:28:00.000-07:00

The last few days at work have been really great to say the least. It really has been a very good ending to a wild ride in Korea. I couldn't ask for a better send off. I will miss the kids and the people I worked with dearly.

Minji (my co-teacher's daughter) and Chloe.

My girls! Stacey, Olivia, and Celine.

My director Sunny.

Dustin, he is cutting a rice cake which I will miss immensely in the states! Yum!

Hajun. The most annoying child ever, but look at that face. Hard to be mad long.

Stacey and Dustin laughing. Too cute.

Last day teaching. We did a little photo shoot of 'emotions'. This was supposed to be 'funny'.

Both of these little gems fit in my belt. Sad, sad, day.

The love-birds of my class. Andy and Olivia.

Love is in the air!

They're seriously going to get married.

Rachel and me on our final good-bye.

Stacey and me.

Here is the devil child himself, Nathan. It may look like I'm choking him, I swear I'm not. Just holding his head still for the camera. ;)

My co-teacher Monica! I will miss her a lot!

Here is a little video of Nathan, the devil child. Although he has extreme behavior and social problems, he is extremely smart. Go figure, eh? We were doing a worksheet on the letter 'H' and identifying the pictures that start with 'H'. It was actually pretty cute because he was saying 'hangaber' instead of 'hamburger', and my mom used to say 'hangaber's' when we were little. He also said 'hippopie' instead of 'hippopotamus'. It's extremely loud, so I apologize for the sound quality, but it is a typical day in the Fish Class. We even have some rock, paper, scissors going on in the background.

Sunday Funday = A Little Kanye

2011-02-13T04:43:00.000-07:00

Because I like all types of music, I'm gonna give it up for Kanye West for this Sunday's Funday. Although he is always causing some type of controversy, especially when he was all up on my future husband Matt Lauer on the Today Show. Still, he's doing something right....right?

Teacher Monica

2011-02-13T04:10:00.000-07:00

I have mentioned my co-teacher a few times in earlier posts, but now I think it's time to dedicate an entire blog post about her. She is truly, one of a kind.

First of all, she's Chinese. She speaks English okay, and she speaks Korean okay. But the point is, she's CHINESE. In a typical day in my class, the kids have no idea what I'm saying in English, Monica has no idea what the kids are saying in Korean, and nobody in the entire school has any idea what Monica is saying in her half English, half Korean, half Chinese abilities. (Three halves make a whole right???)

Even though nobody can understand her, she is extremely prepared when it comes to teaching materials. However, she hoards paper even worse than my dad. I'll come into the copy room to see her standing there with a giant stack of paper to her left, a giant stack to her right, and look down at the copier machine only to see it says '499 copies to go'. It's ridiculous. I think she just like to copies things to copy. Half of the time it has nothing to do with our kids, or what we are talking about in class that month. But her excessive copying does pay off. At the end of the day I'll be planning for the next day, and ponder aloud "I wonder what we should do for our science plant theme tomorrow?". And BOOM. There it is. She'll pull out five different worksheets on plants for me to chose from.

She is also extremely terrifying. Only in that 'good teacher, yelling' kinda way. She can silence a room in 2 seconds flag with a loud but effective, "QUIET!". But more than terrifying, she is also really sweet and has a hard time saying 'no', especially to her daughter who is in the class next to us. I think I've learned a little something about Asian mother's since living here. They simply do not say no, and their child can do no wrong. Minji, who is teacher Monica's daughter, can and will eat whatever she likes at any point in the day. They come to school early to eat breakfast, and I'll come into class coffee in hand, only to find them chowing down on some fried chicken. At 8:30 a.m mind you! If Minji wants coffee, her mom will give her coffee. If Minji wants wine, her mom will give her wine. She's 4! The parents of our children often send donuts or treats for the staff, and you can usually find us all towering over a table of treats in the afternoon discussing the events of the day. On Thursday we had some fancy smancy donuts delivered, and Minji ate THREE of them! Three ooey-gooey, frosting covered, sugar-loaded, saturated fat outta this roof, donuts!

Aaahhhh teacher Monica. I will miss her dearly when I am gone. I will miss her loud roar of a voice from down the hall. I will miss her making coffee in the morning. I will miss her laughing as her 4 year old eats a double quarter-pounder with cheese. I will miss her three language jibberish. I will miss her standing in the middle of the hallway, sweater up around her neck, while she tries to hike her pants back up to her boobs. I will miss so many things about that woman, she's a riot.

But all laughs aside, she has probably been the most honest, truthful, and accepting person I have met in Korea. And I can bet that I will never again meet anyone like her.

Sunday Funday = Take Away Shows

2011-02-06T04:21:00.000-07:00

This week flew by, even though I only had to work two days. It was wonderful and relaxing the rest of the week, although I'm already dreading the two work filled weeks ahead. But hey, that's life right?

I'm going to continue my new tradition of posting new and old music that I love, and have the utmost desire to share with you. I think I will also try to do something with photos soon, maybe called a 'photo walk' where I take photographs along one of my daily (or unexpected) routines here in Korea.

If you haven't heard of the website LA BLOGOTHEQUE, you are being greatly deprived of amazing-ness. It's a website that gets artists from all over the world, stripped down, performing their songs in off the beat kind of ways, appropriately entitled "Take Away Shows". Great artists perform in all the best cities in the world, in phone booths, elevators, parks, apartments, restaurants, you name it. It is very similar to another website I love called Black Cab Sessions, where the artists perform songs with whatever they can fit into the back of a cab. Very cool stuff here people.

Anyway, long post short, one of my favorite videos thus far from LA BLOGOTHEQUE (however there are SO many to pick from), is Iron and Wine's 'Tree By The River'. In this particular video session, Iron and Wine's, Sam Beam is in France drinking wine, and delivering a wonderful acoustic performance of 'Tree By The River'.

Iron and Wine | Tree by the river | A Take Away Show from La Blogotheque on Vimeo.

Confusing Korea : Apartment Edition

2011-02-04T03:06:00.001-07:00

So I live in a tiny, tiny, tiny little studio apartment in Bundang Korea. While living in Korea the past 11 months has caused me to be very confused on many occasions, this is a special post dedicated to the confusion that my tiny, tiny, tiny apartment brings.

Exhibit A :

This is on the middle of my living/bed/dining room wall. The small black square is actually a video camera, so when the doorbell rings (which is does to the tune of Fur Elise) you can see who is outside your door. However, you have to know exactly which of these buttons to push to get the song and the video to stop. In my case it usually leads to frantic button pushing, accompanied by yelling "Hello! Don't go away! I see you! I'm coming!!!!"

Exhibit B:

This lovely picture is attached to something that opens (I can only assume this because there is a button to push there on the bottom). But alas, it does not open. It seems to be jammed or glued shut. I'm afraid if I try to open it I'll come face to face with the peeping Tom I'm convinced is living next door, so needless to say it stays shut.

Exhibit C:

Again, assuming that anything remotely makes sense in this country, I would have to guess this big red arrow is probably telling me where the fire extinguisher is....or is supposed to be.

Exhibit D:

Ahhh....the space saver/kitchen counter top washer combo. Nothing like fryin' eggs while throwin' in my whites. Don't even get me started on the insanity of these buttons. Trial and error is what's gotten me through this year. Although there have been numerous times where I have opened the washer door, to find my clothes soaking wet in two inches of water. And no dryer to boot!

Exhibit E:

And this little gem is in my bathroom, directly to the right if you were to be sitting on the toilet. I can't even begin to tell you what this does or what it's for. I only know that it brings me a lot of anxiety when I'm trying to do my business, in fear of hitting the damn thing with my elbow and thus setting off some sort of alarm signaling the fire department to come.

I have managed to figure everything out in my apartment to successfully live in it for a year. But I'm not gonna lie about how much I miss my dryer at home!

Sunday Funday = Electronic Faves

2011-01-30T05:37:00.001-07:00

I would like to start making Sunday Funday music sharing a regular thing. So I'm here to post a new video that I came upon recently. I like all types of music, and really like things "off the path" so to speak. I came across a cover of Feist's 'Limit To Your Love', and was literally blown away by it. After doing so much research on the lad from London who does the cover, there seems to be a lot of controversy to his music. But all I can say is I dig it, I love it, I think it's brilliant. This cover makes the hair stand up on the back of my neck, the video ain't bad either.

Check out James Blake's take on Limit To Your Love

Who Says?

2011-01-30T05:29:00.000-07:00

I was chatting with a friend earlier today at the gym, and couldn't quite describe to her the funk I am in, in terms of my gym time. For the past two weeks or so, my workouts have been drab, and missing that certain surge of adrenaline. I can't really seem to figure out what it is, if I need to up my weights, change my diet, up my gym time. It has been driving me crazy, and I think it's been affecting other parts of my life right now (or vice versa).

It has been one year exactly since my last surgery, and in roughly one month time I will be leaving Korea and moving on. Isn't it crazy how much can change in a year? I think Asia was and has been the best choice for me for the last year, but I will not be sad to see it go! It has definitely been a struggle culturally and socially. But individually I have learned and grown so much (I know, gag me right?), I wouldn't trade this experience for the world.

I don't think I have ever been as comfortable or confident in the person I am since being in Korea. Korea has showed me the type of person I want to be, the person I am, and the person I have been. It has shown me limits in all kinds of respects, my limits and the limits of others.

This week I only work two days (thank the Lord), and have a five day weekend due to the Lunar New Year. Not only will I be sleeping approximately 22 hours a day, it will give me a break from teaching. I'm not so sure I want to be a teacher after this experience, and that's okay with me. In fact if anything, not liking teaching has showed me exactly what I do want to pursue. I think the challenges I have had getting back into shape, and having my body go through so much change, has re-sparked my interest in fitness. I have always been very interested and mildly obsessed with working out and nutrition. Having gone through so many struggles physically, I think I am more aware of the struggles of every type of person out there.

I think everyone can relate to how hard it can be to get healthy, stay healthy, and be in shape. It is a different journey for everyone, and I'd like to be apart of people's journey. Things happen in life. We travel and it sets our health off a bit. We poison our bodies with junk food, and think there is no way back. We run our bodies in the ground thinking the more we work out the better. We take pills, we have surgery, we do drastic things to change our bodies. If I can help just one person get back to a healthy life-style after whatever they have been through, then I want to be a part of that.

I hope in a few months, in a year from now, I will be re-reading this post and be where I want to be in terms of my goals. I want to travel a lot, I want to do personal training, I want to be in the best shape I can be in, and I want to help others do the same. I want to do it all. I want to take more photographs, I want to go to more art exhibits, I want to do everything on my resolutions list and more. I want to do anything I want, everything I want, all the time.

Who says I can't, right?

Sunday Funday = Soul Sessions

2011-01-23T05:44:00.000-07:00

There's nothin' I like better than some Bill Withers on a Sunday afternoon, while it's snowing, and I'm drinking a cappuccino. Thank you Mr. Withers, for being born, and creating such amazing music.

Pics Update

2011-01-23T00:27:00.000-07:00

I have finally put pictures under the "Pics" tab! So keep checking, as I will try to update this tab more often. Although I will still be putting pictures within my posts.

Still having trouble uploading videos, but when I get back to America I will have my brother fix it for me. :)

Baby It's Cold Outside

2011-01-22T20:20:00.002-07:00

It's like -500 billion degrees outside today. Literally. I can't take this weather anymore! I am sitting here in my freezing apartment with a hat, gloves, a sweatshirt, and a blanket while I wait ever so patiently for my apartment to warm up. That will take approximately 4 hours.

When I'm walking to and from work, up hill both ways, I seem to be the only person fazed by the insanity of how cold it is. I think Koreans have a different kind of skin, that allows them to not sweat when it's 1000% humidity outside, or get cold when it feels like Antarctica. They just simply do not get cold. The women are still wearing mini-skirts for Pete’s sake! I don't think I'll ever get over the fashion here in Korea. The women are still sporting the good ol' fashion mini-skirt and some tights. They don't wear hats, they don't wear gloves, and they STILL wear high heels!

My co-worker told me that this weekend was supposed to be warmer than usual. Warmer? Warmer than cold as shit? Cold is cold. I don't care what the temperature says, it's COLD. It is actually kind of sad how the novelty of winter and cold weather wears off in a matter of 2.5 days. At first everyone is ecstatic that it's snowing, we get to wear scarves, we get to walk around with hot chocolate mugs in our hands. Then everyone realizes how much it sucks when you're risking your life walking to work on black ice, or freezing your tush off while waiting for the bus.

The only thing that makes winter a little better here, is my South African friend. Who has seen snow once in her life before coming to Korea. She still gets ubber excited about snow, and tries to convince the rest of us how awesome it is. The response to her excitement is usually met with groans like "yea yea yea, you’ll get it over it come mid February". But I have to admit the other night it started snowing, and we decided to run around our neighborhood trying to catch snowflakes on our tongues. It was fun. It reminded me of how fun winter and snow can be.

I think about all my friends on the East Coast, and how bad the weather and storms have been this winter. Especially since I'll be moving there next year, it makes me kind of cringe. When I lived in Boston before, I came straight from Honolulu to Boston on January 1st, and it was quite the change. But I loved it. Sometimes you gotta just roll with the punches, get your boots on and go make a snow angel, open your mouth wide and catch some snowflakes.

....Because baby it's cold outside.

And because I love Christmas, I love Glee, and I heart my gays...here's a treat. :)

Resolutions....

2011-01-16T03:58:00.001-07:00

I have been lacking in the blog department, and I can't really figure out why. I think I get really bored of my blog, and in turn I'm sure my "followers" (a term I use loosely considering they're probably related to me) are bored as well. I'm not very computer or tech savvy, and I think this reflects in my blog. I don't really know much about the blogging world except for the blogs I follow, and then the creation of my own.

Don't get me wrong, I do really love my blog. I just wish it were more functional, and I had more followers. Maybe if my BROTHER would actually stop gallivanting around South America with baby mama's, and help me fix my blog it could be way cooler. It could. Who knows. I think the main thing is I need to post more, the more I write the more people will have to read right?

It's nearly the third week of January and I still haven't talked about my New Year's resolutions. I think it's because I don't really do resolutions, I just make lists of things I want to do more of in the following year. So here goes, a list of resolutions per say, to make 2011 a kick ass year.

1. Get out of South Korea alive.

2. Read more. I know what you're thinking, how could I possible read more than I already do? Well it can, should, and will be done. Especially with my new Kindle, which I absolutely LOVE.

3. Take more photos. I really need to. I need to take crazy photos, all the time. I need to be that girl who is always taking photos. I need to print these photos out, frame them, post them, hang them up, make a collage of them. One day, when I grow up, I'll finally have an apartment of my own (stop laughing mom), and I'll want to put these photos everywhere.

4. See more old friends.

5. Make more new friends.

6. Send more post cards and cards. Everybody loves getting mail don't they?

7. Stop obsessing over my scars from my past, both physical and mental. Just let it be.

8. See more of the country I'm from. First stop, Grand Canyon.

9. Say "yes" more than "no".

10. Continue to be happy and thankful everyday that I am in charge of my own life and my own decisions. Realize how far I've come, and will continue to go. Thank those who have stood by me through everything, and forget those who have not.

11. See more live music and go to more concerts.

12. Post more frequently and get more followers.

That doesn't sound so hard now does it?! I hope everyone is having a wonderful New Year, and are continuing to better their lives with their own resolutions.

To 2011! The best year ever!

(Adding a song like I always do. Don't look into it too much, I just like it. Adele's rockin' it.)

Thanks Hales :)

And So This Is Christmas

2011-01-08T20:16:00.001-07:00

(The Burggraf house from outside as the sun sets)

(It's like Christmas palooza in here!)

(It wouldn't be Christmas without a smoke alarm going off.)

(This is how we do it in the Burggraf house. We drink the wine first, then we use it to roll out cookie dough.)

(A Christmas tradition.)

(The shirt says it all.)

(The 'rents. Aren't we cute?)

As you can see, there are no pictures of my brother. And that's because he's too cool for school. Enough said.

The Gym

2010-12-12T01:35:00.000-07:00

Today is Sunday. It is usually a day I spend a good part of at the gym, making up for lost times that I didn't go on Friday or Saturday. I am sick today, for the millionth time in Korea, so my better judgement (and a South African guardian angel perhaps) convinced me to skip yet another day.

If you know me, you know my obsession with the gym. It's important to me. It's a way of life. It's something I won't compromise. Usually gyms are full of the same types of people, the same equipment, and the same kind of vibe. So one would think it would be the same kind of experience in a Korean gym than any other gym around the world right?

Wrong. Korean gyms are unlike any other gym experience, and it is something I will have in my memory forever (whether I like it or not).

Korean women are a rare breed at the gym. They do not lift weights. Unless you count those pink weights that weigh like 1.5 pounds, and I don't. Korean women also don't do cardio machines. However, Korean women are excellent at creating the image that they are doing cardio, when in fact they are actually doing nothing at all. If you're in the gym long enough, you'll see that the women are doing one of three things and one of three things only. 1) They are walking on the treadmill while talking on their cell phones. 2) They are sitting on the bicycle while talking on their cell phones. Or 3) they are sitting on a yoga mat while talking on their cell phones.

Korean men on the other hand are surprisingly in shape, and there is no age limit on this either. I've seen men in there twice my age with a 45 lb weight attached to a chain around their waist while they do chin ups.....and talking on their cell phones. There are two types of men that work out in Korea. The ones who actually work out and seem to know what they're doing, and the ones who stand there watching t.v. and barely touching a piece of equipment the entire time they're there.

Like any other building (whether it's public or private) in Korea, you're required to have a pair of indoor shoes and outdoor shoes. This really pisses me off. I don't want to have 5 million pairs of shoes for everywhere I go during the day. I don't mind having 5 million pairs of shoes in my closet at home for my own addiction and desire, but everywhere else is really annoying. I also really hate taking off my shoes. I never came from a family that takes their shoes off. In fact, my dad wears his shoes right up until the moment he changes into his pj's and goes to bed. We like our shoes, and we like them on our feet. So I like to pull the 'foreigner card' here, and I wear my gym shoes to the gym and when they try to explain that's not how it's done, I give them a very confused look and say I don't understand. Most of the time they brush me off like some stupid foreinger, and let me work out in piece.

The trainers at the gym seem to think they have the right to interrupt my work out and tell me what I'm doing wrong. Every so often they seem to take a break from their Starbucks coffee and pizza for lunch, long enough to linger around me entirely too long to see if I'm doing everything right. They're often telling me I am lifting too much weight for a woman, and that I should be on a cardio machine or taking the yoga class. I have literally had to put my hand out in front of me and yell "STOP!" to one of the elder trainers to get him to stop pestering.

And don't even get me started on the locker rooms. Between the ajumma's who stand there for an hour blow-drying their crotches, to the women in the shower head next to you asking you to soap up their backs...it's all entirely too close for comfort for me.

But like everything else in Korea, it is an experience I won't soon forget. The gym will get lumped in to every other wild thing I have witnessed during my year here in Korea. And who knows, maybe one day when I'm working out at my gym in America, I'll suddenly miss getting smacked on the ass in the locker room by an old lady, or getting harassed by a kimchi smelling trainer during my squats. Who knows.....

Thank You

2010-11-28T05:19:00.000-07:00

If someone would have told me I would be spending Thanksgiving this year surrounded by screaming Korean kids, a Chinese woman, Dora the Explorer, and some of the worst beer on Earth....I would have told that someone they were cookadodle-doo-crazy.

But alas, welcome to the unpredictability of my life. I was sad when I was walking to work on Thursday. I started to think about all my friends back home going to their families for dinner, and about my mom, dad, and brother looking so small at our big dining room table. Work was just like any other day for the most part. It was a friend's birthday, so we were celebrating her birthday more than Thanksgiving, and I was honestly thankful to be celebrating something, anything at all. To my surprise at the end of the day one of the grandmother's of a student sent our staff a "Thanksgiving dinner". Although the turkey was actually sliced deli meat turkey, it was a nice gesture. There was cheese cake, turkey, salami, salmon, pickles, cheese, bagels and cream cheese, and my favorite pumpkin pie. I joked with a co-worker that this was the best Jew Thanksgiving I'd ever had.

So it turned out to be a pretty good holiday away from home after all. And it did give me some time to remember what I'm thankful for.

I am thankful for:

1. Coffee (what? This is perfectly acceptable as the number one thing I'm thankful for.)

2. Having the means and the motivation to travel, and to keep traveling.

3. My mother. She makes most things I have had and will have in my life possible.

4. Christmas music.

5. Hot showers.

6. Hamburgers.

7. My best friend Samantha Sovde who has stuck through me during the worst of times, and the best of times.

8. The time I spent in Hawaii, Spain and Boston.

9. My dad and his gentle heart.

10. Books and the authors that keep writing them.

11. Pumpkin pie, apple pie, pecan pie....pretty much any kind of pie.

12. The uncertain and unplanned future.

13. Skype

14. These blankets I have wrapped around me because I refuse to turn the heat on.

15. The strength to keep going, even though the destination is unclear.

And last but certainly not least, I'm thankful for Led Zeppelin who sing one of my top 10 favorite songs of all time appropriately titled, Thank You.

Happy Holidays everyone.

Falling into Foliage

2010-11-21T01:38:00.000-07:00

Traditionally Untraditional

2010-11-15T02:14:00.000-07:00

I've got Christmas fever. There is no way around it, I just do. I've been playing Nat King Cole's Christmas cd's on repeat for the last two weeks. And even youtubing Kenny G jazz Christmas. (Hey don't knock it 'til you hear it, Kenny G plays good music.)

Anyway, I love Christmas. I love it more than any other time of the year. I'm sure most people love Christmas. What's not to love? Snow, cookies, pies, turkey, candy, stuffing, chocolate peppermint deliciousness, egg nog, brandy, wine, fires, stockings, the fat man in a red coat...do I even need to go on? I am aware that more than half of my reasons are because of food, but Christmas does bring about some divine food. Food that I am dreaming about after being in the land of fried fish, white rice, and long slimy noodles all the time.

Sometimes I get seasonally depressed around Christmas. I think of all the other families out there, and how everyone and their mother's mother gets together for Christmas. There are traditional dinners, traditional gift giving, traditional Christmas light seeing, everything is traditional. I have a small family. The normal mom, dad, brother and myself kind of family. We make Christmas as special as we can, but I find myself missing and wishing for a big family, for cousins, nieces and nephews, grandpa's and grandma's, and aunt's and uncle's running around a house that can barely fit four. When you see Christmas in the movies or on tv, you see ten or twelve people gathered around a nice oak table, passing a huge turkey over their heads, conversation so loud they don't notice the dog under the table while grandpa slips him a slice of turkey.

When my brother and I were younger, we used to spend Christmas every year in Florida at my grandma's house. She has this amazing house that she designed herself, with a waterfall and coy pond inside, an outside patio to die for. All the family used to get together over there, and we would have our own traditional Christmas. It eventually got to be too expensive to go every year, things changed, and people changed. We began to have our own little Christmas's. We still manage to get together every year, we have only been apart one Christmas so far.

I started to think about how when you get older, the things that used to be such a big deal when we were younger, are not made into such a big deal anymore. Birthday's come and go, anniversaries aren't cherished anymore, and Christmas becomes more of a hassle than a celebration. However this year, as I sit in South Korea with unfamiliar traditions all around me, I long for those quieter Christmas's with my family. I smile at the thought of my mom tiptoeing out to fill the stockings, my dad taking extra special care to wrap a KBCO cd he gives us every year from our favorite radio station. I am excited to have the parade on tv in the back ground, as the cinnimon rolls rise in the oven. I think that even though at the end of the day, my mom so stressed out that my brother has nothing to eat and nobody is grateful for all the time and effort she's put into dinner, the small traditions have still been carried out. We'll go to an afternoon movie if we can agree on one, and we'll come home and gripe about all there is to clean up.

I think about how to bring back the bang in Christmas this year, how to make it a big deal again. If I can get my brother and my mother to get along for more than a day, that would be a feat in itself. My brother will only spend one day with us, and drive back to his house late in the evening after dinner. But I'll wish that he will stay longer, that he may even decide to stay the night. I'll wish like I do every year, that we all just sit around the fire a little longer and talk. But the day will pass by like it usually does. I will be shortly packing to return to whatever country I'm in at the moment, my mom will return to her patients, my dad to the computer, and my brother to whatever job he does that makes a hell of lot more money than the rest of us. And then I'll be thinking about how to make Christmas better next year, how to keep the holiday spirit a littler longer, or how to make it mean more to us the next time.

However this year I am going to do just that. I will have Christmas music blasting 24 hours a day, and the oven baking something delicious every morning. I will be over-cheered, over-cooked, and over-Christmas by the time the new year rolls around. I'll take the time to set out my mom's holly china, and add pumpkin spice to everything. This year I'll be sure to let my family know how much I have appreciated their support in this last year, and how thankful I am to have them in my life. I will forgive them for things I have been holding on to, and make sure they know I love them.

After all, Christmas is the most wonderful time of the year right?

11:20

2010-11-06T07:10:00.000-07:00

11:20 is a time I look forward to with bated breath every single day. 11:20 will make or break the rest of my day. 11:20 can be the best part of the day, or the worst part of the day. The rest of the day depends on 11:20. I depend on 11:20.

11:20 is lunchtime.

During the morning hours as I teach, I look up at the clock endlessly watching time move by ever so slowly. I am always starving, and I am always praying for a good lunch. We have to eat with the kids, which are rather annoying, but most of the time I don't even care because I'm too consumed with the goodness (or repulsed) by the food that I'm hoovering into my mouth.

Lunchtime used to be even more of a gamble, before I figured out there was a lunchtime menu. One of my kiddos is from Denmark, so they always send an English copy to my class for her. (Why would they send an English menu for a girl from Denmark you ask? I asked the same thing, and was met with blank stares and confused grins.) I started to make a copy for myself, so that I could find out what the second half of the day would entail. If lunch is good, I'm happy and the rest of the day goes smoothly. If lunch is bad, I curse Korea in my head and make my kids lives miserable. Yep, that's how much I love food. That's how much I look forward to eating. That's how I make it through the days with the little Korean terrors.

However, the menu ended up being quite the guessing game, and rarely correct. Just the other day the lunch menu read:

-RICE-KIMCHI-MEAT PANCAKE-FRUIT

Now I don't know about the rest of the world, but I'm kind of keen on my pancakes being meatless. And the FRUIT they so falsely advertise is usually a small slice of apple, or a third of a banana. Hardly a servings worth. I have to bank on the good days of lunch because when it's bad, it's so, so bad.

Sometimes lunch is amazing. They serve us pork with steamed veggies and potatoes, plus rice of course. A few weeks ago they served this pumpkin dish that was absolutely divine. Spaghetti and meatball day is always a good day. Sometimes they make potato and corn purees, which remind me of my host mom's cooking in Spain, and she made amazing purees.

But alas, there are too many days that go wrong because of lunch. There are too many horrid looks exchanged with my co-worker. Today I had a particularly horrifying experience that brought me again back to my days in Spain. The menu said FRUIT, like most days. I was hoping for a banana or some tomatoes. But what was actually there, to my disbelief, was a wonderful fruit salad COVERED in mayonnaise. I couldn't even hold in my shock. I turned to a friend and said, "why on Earth would they ruin such a perfectly good fruit salad by putting mayo on it?!”

Most days I look down to realize that everything on my plate is either yellow or white. I realize that I am eating an insane amount of carbs, and that I would sell a kid on the black market for some meat. I'm not trying to sound ungrateful; I realize these ladies work hard to feed the entire school. And their jobs consist of cooking and cleaning up for a bunch of brats, and ungrateful foreigners like me. But I can't help but wish that a little more nutrition went into these lunches, for the kids really, not for ol' picky me. Koreans will go to great lengths to tell you how nutritious their foods are. But I'm sorry, between meat pancakes, mayonnaise fruit salads, and white rice.....what I'm seeing is a lot of clogged arteries, cottage cheese asses, and carb overload. Put some damn color in the lunches!

I suppose I should be more thankful that I get a lunch at all. I picture my mother standing over her desk gnawing on a power bar. Or my father sucking on peppermint and butterscotch candies all day long. Or even my brother who rotates between the same three restaurants every single week on his lunch breaks.

If there is one thing that lunchtime has taught me in Korea, it's to mind my p's and q's like the polite young lady I am. I've realized that I have incredible will power to force myself to eat something without gagging. I also remember to always smile at the lunch ladies, and say thank you when I'm bringing in my tray. Even if I'm thinking, 'thank you for the mystery meat pancake, the fruit salad with the side of lard, and also thank you for the hour I'll be spending on the treadmill later'.

Fright Night

2010-10-24T04:46:00.001-07:00

I've never felt more like my mother than I did last night. I curled up in bed anticipating my next chapter in my recent book, and to my left on the night stand sat a perfectly poured glass of red wine. Now it's no secret that red wine and my mother are quite fond of one another, but it shocked me to my wits end as I took my first gulp of it. You see my mother does this thing when she drinks things, especially with wine. She takes a sip (extra-ordinarily loud mind you), and then she holds the liquid there for a good minute before she swallows it (again, extra-ordinarily loud). It drives me insane. I mean really, what do I care how long she holds her wine in her mouth? I have no idea, it just drives me nuts.

So I'm sitting there, about to indulge in a creepy book about a woman in a mental hospital (go figure eh?), and I realize that I've been holding the wine in my mouth for over a minute! I almost spit it out at the recognition of it, but my mother also told me never to waste wine. I swallowed it of course, savored it if you will. But the feeling was so bizarre and creepy, I sat there, back straight, for a good ten minutes trying to figure out how to defy all other inherit characteristics of becoming my mother. Nobody, and I don't care how wonderful a woman your mother is, nobody wants to become their mother. Bottom line.

Anywho, this brings me to my next random there is no point to this post, thought. This week is Halloween, and Friday we have some big event at school to put on for the kids. I absolutely love Halloween, but I hate dressing up. I like the pumpkins, the carving of the pumpkins, the scary stories and movies, the grave-yards, the haunted houses, the candy of course, I love it all. But I hate, hate, hate the amount of pressure there is to dress up and find a costume. We have to dress up at school "for the kids", which I'm reminded of daily. However, my kids are whimps. They're scared of Corduroy for pete's sake! I read them one of my all time favorite books as a child, Corduroy, and then had to spend the next week telling them that stuffed animals don't really come to life at night. Sweet Jesus that was a mistake.

I never realized how stressful Halloween was until I had to come up with costumes on my own. No wonder parents always hate Halloween. Lets face it, how many times has your mother thrown a sheet over you, wrapped an elastic around your neck and said, "Boo! You're a ghost." It's insanity. I ended up buying a kids pirate costume today, and hoping I can mangle it to fit me somehow without looking slutty.

I shouldn't complain really. I'm sure it'll be all fun and games when it's all said and done and Friday actually rolls around. The kids will be absurdly adorable in their costumes, and we'll play pin the tail on the black cat a million times. And maybe, just maybe, the mothers will send their kids to school with tons of candy for the teachers and I can self induce myself into a candy coma. Don't worry. I'll post pictures.

Happy Halloweenie everyone!

If I Could Turn Back Time....

2010-10-18T05:51:00.000-07:00

...it would be to every Saturday morning for the past 25 years. Saturday mornings are why life is worth living. There is that moment when your eyes flicker open for a second on Saturday morning, and you realize you have absolutely nothing to do that day. And it feels perfect. You close your eyes again, thinking about going back to sleep for the rest of the day. Heck, you might not even get out of bed until Sunday night. You're wrapped in a decadent cocoon of covers, snuggled so warmly around yourself. Everything is right in the world. There are no alarms going off, no thoughts of the shower or the dilemma of what to wear to work.

I lay awake for awhile in bed on Saturday mornings; just staring about and wondering how much effort I'm really going to put in to making something out of the day. Most of the time I think about what to eat for breakfast, and whether or not I should make coffee or go out and treat myself to a latte. The feeling of a Saturday morning is pure happiness. And the only thing that actually gets me out of bed, is an urgency to pee (although I've highly considered wetting the bed on numerous occasions just so I don't have to move), and my growling stomach. But again, sleep trumps hunger, and I would choose sleep any day over food.

This morning when my alarm went off I cursed the bloody thing twice, and pressed snooze a few more times. Monday mornings suck more than....well more than anything as far as I'm concerned. Monday's make me want to weep. If you know me, you know mornings (especially Monday mornings) are my nemesis. The only thing that would make a Monday morning worse, is if I were at home and my mom was singing me her "Time to get up in the Morning" song.

Thank God tomorrow's Tuesday.

(p.s- Mom, on rare occasions I actually do miss when you sing that song, but not on Mondays. Sorry.)

I also searched for a good song about the hatred of Monday Mornings, but I could only find Fleetwood Mac's worth posting. Even though they don't seem to share the notion that Monday's are evil, but they still rock.

Koreans and Their Nonsensical Ways : Part II

2010-10-10T04:56:00.000-07:00

Koreans are very nonsensical. I too, am very nonsensical, but in a way that makes sense. To me. Don't judge, just laugh.

1- I sometimes feel like I'm living in an episode of Mad Men. (Best show ever by the way.) Except a more modern, incredibly crude, Korean kinda version. The business men drink an inordinate amount of alcohol all day everyday, and well into the evening. It's not unusual to be walking down the street to see a business man passed out on the sidewalk, still in his shiny business suit, looking all business like. (Minus the pile of puke beside him, and the drool coming from his half opened mouth.)

2- Koreans are insane about recycling. I'm talkin' separate bins, separate boxes, color coded, every last bit can be saved, kind of recycling. But yet they insist on packaging things in a way that makes their recycling obsession almost double the work and effort it has to be. If I buy a box of crackers in the states, it's only a matter of tearing the box open and maybe tearing the inside plastic bag open before I'm wrist deep enjoying my Wheat Thins. However here, it takes several more steps before I actually get to eat the crackers. First you have to open the box. Second you see that there are actually four tiny little bags of crackers inside the box. Then you go to open the individual bag of crackers, only to find a little plastic cup you have to pull out to get to the crackers. By then I'm so fed up, it's almost comical that there are only three tiny, limp, crackers sitting atop their plastic bed waiting for me to eat them.

3- Okay, I have to touch on what the women wear again. Some of the women dress so exquisite that I instantly turn into a Mexican construction worker, bring two fingers to my mouth, and let a whistle rip. But some of the women, my oh my, I can't for the life of me figure out what's going on in their little, overly worked minds. It seems anything goes. Matching is a term used quite loosely here. Stripes go with polka dots, checks go with Mickey Mouse, socks go with sandels. I saw a woman the other day wearing a fur coat on her top half, and the shortest jean shorts known to man. I wanted to scream at her, "which is it lady?! WINTER OR SUMMER?!"

4- Red lights are optional. In fact, traffic lights in general serve no actual purpose in Korea. I'll be waiting patiently for the little green man to give me the a-okay to cross the street, only to look over and see an ajuma and her visor pulled so far down her face she can hardly see, speeding down the street directly at me. I try to scream, "Ma'am! You're running a red light!" But she doesn't care, only speeds right past me 20 mph too fast, swerving to miss the other adjuma who has run the red light on the other side.

5- The kids I have in my class, are for the most part adorable. And with the absurd obsession with name brands here, the mothers send their kids to school dressed head to toe in brands like Burberry, Prada, Coach, Dolce and Cabana. Some of the outfits these kids wear to school, cost more than I make in a matter of three months. Trust me, I've googled it. It makes me want to scream because you know what we do in PRESCHOOL? We paint. And we run around outside in the playground. And we glue. And we eat red colored kimchi flavored everything. How do I say, "I'm sorry, but your child's $500 shirt that they wore to school today is completely ruined do to the massive amount of paint and gluing we did today", in Korean again?

I think this is sufficient enough for a second-parter in the nonsensical Koreans list. I should really write some of these down, because more often in not during the day I'm frantically looking around looking for another foreigner so that we can share a, "wtf?" moment. But for now I have lesson planning to do for the week ahead. :)

Late Night Jibberish

2010-10-02T07:06:00.000-07:00

Worry stricken once again at 1 am, here I am trying to piece together the thoughts that are taking over my mind tonight.

I often lie in bed at night with a plethora of thoughts that spin around in my head so fast and so continuously, it's only a matter of time before I give in and feverishly write something else on my "To Do" list for tomorrow, or finish that last chapter, write another blog entry, or email that friend I haven't responded to in months. I sometimes try to remember what I dreamt of the night before, and think about how strange my dreams have been lately. Have you ever noticed that remembering dreams is almost like a curse? I seem to remember my dreams, down to the very last detail, and can be thinking of them from time to time throughout the day. But when I go to actually write down, or tell a co-worker of my dream on the walk to work, it's like the words are unavailable. No matter how long I can sit there and remember perfectly what had occurred in the dream, when it comes time to actually tell about the dream the words just don't make any sense. It's as if the words have not yet been invented in the English language.

Dreams are more often than not a topic my brain usually turns to in the quiet hours. I'm beginning to think that dreams are seducing me in such a way, that if I were given a choice to spend the rest of my time in my dreams or my reality, I would absolutely choose my dreams.

Many of my dreams are about a person I used to share my life with. I sometimes wish right before I close my eyes that I do not dream of this person, because when I wake up and realize what I have dreamt, I am inevitably sad. I know that one day I will no longer dream of this person, and at least my heart will rest. Some of my dreams are spent in countries I have not yet visited, and of people I have not yet met.

My daydreams have been consumed with one question the last few weeks. Is this all there is? Is this as good as it gets at this point in time, in Korea, at 25 years old? I realize that was more like three or four questions, but you get the idea. I have been able to realize that when I begin to ask myself these questions, I know it is time to go. It is time for the next destination, the next stage, the next adventure, the next country. Is it that I am not satisfied here? Is it that I always believe the next destination will more than likely satisfy me more than my previous one? What exactly will it take to satisfy me?

I don't think Korea is the place for me. But I still have a few months left here so I have to make it work somehow. It's not that I'm unhappy here, I'm quite content. But something is not fluid about my life here, this can't be all that there is. I was told once that I have too high of expectations, and maybe that's true, but my high expectations are what drive me to be a better person, a better daughter, a better sister, a better friend.

For now I will try to be in the moment as much as my mind, and this country will let me. I hope that soon, my dreams and my next adventure will become a reality.

I don't feel like singing tonight

2010-09-23T05:15:00.000-07:00

Do you ever have those moments where you feel like you're outside your own body looking down at yourself? Or those moments where it's as though some huge hand from above reaches down and literally gives the world a quick spin, and you're standing there in the middle watching it go by with blurred lights and smudged sounds?

I try to look at myself in these ways as much as possible, so that I can attempt to figure out what's missing or what's actually there. I find myself thinking about my life in such different attitudes, that literally seem to change day by day. One day I feel like I am in the exact spot I'm supposed to be, that I am doing all that I can possibly be doing to be fulfilled. And the next day I'll be whimpering around my apartment thinking to myself, "what in God's name am I doing living in South Korea?".

It's hard to compare yourself to everyone around you that's your age, wondering if you're not doing enough or if you're trying too hard. I often find myself comparing myself to my family, and feel inferior at times to my brother who actually has a career and a mortgage for pete's sake. But I'm sure if you'd ask my brother he'd tell you he was envious of my nomadic existence, so the grass really isn't greener on the other side.

Even though the only thing that I want to do is travel, and to see as much as I can possibly see....I also want to be able to sustain myself financially, emotionally, and intellectually. Part of me wants to go back to grad-school, but the thought of owing anymore money makes me want to stick kimchi fried rice in my eyes. Part of me wants to keep traveling forever, and keep experiencing those once in a life time moments that happen when you're in different countries with such a vast variety of different people. I feel a bit in a stand still here in Korea because I'm not technically traveling right now, I'm actually just living in Korea. I travel on my breaks, and am saving money to travel after the year, but here I have everything I need to have a sustainable life.

It makes me anxious. It makes me bored. It makes me think that I'm not doing what I'm supposed to be doing. It makes me lost, and when I'm lost I've been known to run. I run because I am searching so desperately for something not to run from. Am I doing the right thing here? Am I the person I want to be?

Sometimes my legs are just so damn tired.

Chuseok = The Best Day at Work Everrrrrr

2010-09-17T18:20:00.000-07:00

Yesterday marked the last day of work for a whole week! We have an entire week off to honor the Korean "thanksgiving" called Chuseok. I have never been more excited to sleep and do nothing in my entire life. Yelling at kids and making their lives miserable eight hours a day, five days a week, really takes it out of you. I really have no plans this week except to sleep late, read books, and eat dok bo ki everyday (which I've recently become obsessed with due to the fact that I'm trying to train my taste buds to like spicy food, and it's insanely cheap).

I may try to make it out to a nearby island or beach coast for a day or two in the middle of the week. There are some pensions that you can rent right on the beach for fairly cheap, and it sounds like a good day or two trip. When I sat down to think of what I wanted to do for a vacation, I realized I haven't really seen much of Korea. So that will change, soon I hope.

Anyway, back to Chuseok. All the children came to school in their traditional Hanbok outfits, which were the most beautiful things I have ever seen. They were all hot as hell in them and dripping sweat, but they looked too cute to boot. The Hanboks were so colorful and really well made, and most of the Korean teachers wore them too. Of course since I have a Chinese co-teacher, we were pretty much clueless the entire day.

Each period we brought our children around to different stations and traditional Korean games. One period we made rice cakes, and one period the children were allowed to play on this human teeter totter. This human teeter totter was the most dangerous thing I have ever seen, but the Koreans insisted that it was a traditional game and I shouldn't need to worry. So I just put the schizo kid on there and let him have at it. It was actually quite hilarious, dangerous, but really really funny.

I also got plenty gifts from children's mothers, which was not expected but very much accepted. The end of the day ended with a huge staff party with wine, cheese and crackers, candy and music. It was literally the best day I have ever had at any place I have ever worked. I took as many pictures as I could with my camera, but I was also trying to take pictures with the schools camera and juggling two was really difficult. Hopefully the pictures will do some justice to how cute the kids looked, but probably not.

Kids Say the Darndest Things part deuce

2010-09-06T05:24:00.000-07:00

**Scene takes place during role play. Child is dressed as a nurse (a male nurse mind you), and I am dressed as....me.**

Aaaannd scene.

Man nurse child : "Teacher...come, you broken."

Me : "Oh okay. Nurse, nurse! I think my arm is broken!"

Man nurse child : " I fix you. Here is a shot."

Me : "Thank goodness, thank you for fixing me doctor..er..male nurse child!"

Man nurse child : "Okay, now....time for the breast exam!"

Me : "Um. Lets play Mail Man instead."

Insane in the Membrane

2010-09-06T05:17:00.000-07:00

I've been neglecting my blog lately, and I'm not sure why. I think maybe nothing has seemed worth writing about, or that everything has changed so much in the last few weeks it has taken awhile to sort out in this crazy brain of mine. Either way, I'm writing now, so don't get your panties in a rut people.

I changed jobs, meaning I am now a teacher at an international school. No more riding the subway for an hour, walking 15 minutes in 100% humidity, or standing at the gate of the kindergarten for a half hour. No more 30 kid classrooms, no more 25 minute classes, and no more Jin Bae. While there are some things I miss about the kindergarten, I could not be happier to be teaching at this new school.

I am now teaching Pre-K with my own class of about 9 kids. The school is great. I have tons of resources, art materials, activities and even my own co-teacher. My co-teacher is Chinese, which still doesn't make sense to me...but hey, what does in this country?

The only things that could potentially make this job worse, are the fact that one of my kids is a closeted serial killer, and one should be in the looney bin. But that's neither here nor there as of right now. However stay tuned, because I'm taking notes, pictures, and soon video to prove these two urgent (and completely valid) statements.

The weather is starting to turn, thank god. I need some foliage in my life. I can't wait for fall, and even had a kick off to fall potluck over the weekend. It was really great. I had to explain what a potluck was to everyone who wasn't American for about 30 minutes, but finally people got the idea and came around. "What the fuck is a potluck ol' chap?"

I've been reading a lot, and currently indulging in In The Woods by Tana French. It's really good so far, kind of creepy and if you know me you know that I'm into creepy things. I once Googled 'how to cut of my own arm' for hours, you know, in case it came down to that. And then proceeded to try to do everything with my feet for days. It's actually fascinating if you think about it. I could definitely get on Oprah for that.

Anyway, there's no real point in my post except to let you know (I know there's only like 5 of you that actually read my blog, so thanks for that) that I'm still alive and kicking. I'll be writing more this month, as there's a lot on my mind. And people have been telling me I'm funny, which I've known all along, but am glad to see others are starting to figure it out too.

I'm leaving you with one of my top 5 favorite songs, just because it makes me happy.

The Land of the Morning Calm in Black and White

2010-08-21T04:30:00.000-07:00

Upon signing onto Skype this morning, I received a link from a very dear friend of mine. It said, "I have a black of white photo of you, and you look amazing." So she sent me the photo (although amazing is quite an overstatement, ha) and she also sent me a few other photos she took while living in Korea. They are all absolutely amazing, and I wanted to share them here.

Anna Martinez, your raw talent rocks my world.

Feeling a bit Seoulless

2010-08-15T07:11:00.000-07:00

I've been feeling a bit off my game lately. I have mentioned this feeling once before, but this time it has proven to be quite persistent. I can't even explain what the feeling is, or really even put my finger on what exactly it is. Something is just off, something is missing here.

I know, you must think I'm crazy. With technology buzzing all around, coffee shops on every corner, and soju that costs less than $1 a bottle, what's there to miss eh? I'm sorry but I think I've had my fill of high heels, rice for every meal, and walking past grown men passed out with their pants around their ankles every weekend. You know what we say when people ask us what it's like to live in Korea? We say, "It's like living in a joke". Seriously. It's like nothing you could ever predict or imagine.

Besides missing common sense, Korea is missing something more. Today I was hanging out in a friend’s apartment and we were reminiscing about the times we had both spent in Spain. We looked through pictures, listened to music, and even had a little one-on-one Salsa dance lesson. (She was the one teaching, I was the one learning.) However, I left her place with that pit in my stomach. The pit that has been waiting to be filled with culture, with history, or perhaps just with a chicken burrito from Chipotle.

Living in a concrete jungle is an understatement when it comes to Korea. Sometimes I feel like I'm inside a pac men game when I go down one street, only to realize I've come in the complete opposite side of the street I wanted, but it all looks identical. Besides the food and all the Koreans walking around everywhere, it's basically the same as living in the U.S. I don't feel that Korean culture. There have been a few times I've been completely immersed in a book or my ipod on the train, only to suddenly be jerked back into reality and look around to find I'm literally the only white person in miles. Things are written in English, there are American restaurants everywhere, and I speak English all day long.

I just wish there was the inspiration I felt at any given moment while walking down the street in Spain. I wish I could feel the passion, the music, the history in anything here. The Koreans work all day long, the kids go to school for even longer, and everyone is so delirious by the end of the night they drink their sorrows away in soju.

Now I don't want to be the asshole that keeps comparing Korea to back home or to a better place I've lived, but I can't deny that my heart is not fulfilled here. I think I may have a solution though. Fancy that! I've been listening to more and more Spanish podcasts, grooving to my Spanish music, and now have an inspiration/teacher for Salsa. SO, with that said...I may have to just get my Spanish-on while living in Korea. Wouldn't it be just hilarious if I became fluent in Spanish while living in Korea rather than when I lived in Spain? Haha.

I also think this lack of 'umph' I'm feeling in Korea may have something to do with the half way mark. I've been here almost 6 months, am in the middle of switching jobs, and am feeling like I have nothing in common with anyone. But I hope this funk will pass. I hope that with my love for Spanish culture, my interest in Korean culture will peak. It's not that the culture is not here; it's just that it is masked by the busy-ness of the day-to-day life. But I think I gotta find that something I love, that something that inspires me to learn everything there is to know about everything.

It will happen. Que sera, sera. Right?

I leave you with this Youtube fav of mine right now.

Banana Pancakes and Fresh Squeezed Papaya Juice

2010-08-09T05:10:00.000-07:00

Landing in Denpasar airport in Bali Indonesia after a 24 hour layover in Malaysia and an awful stomach bug, was probably one of the best feelings in the world. Little did I know that we wouldn't actually be leaving the airport for another three hours en route to our hostel.

When you get to the airport in Indonesia, you have to get an 'on arrival visa' in order to enter the country for any reason. This my friends, takes longer than standing in line at the polls on Election Day. For three hours we stood there, wondering why the hell stamping a passport was taking so damn long. The only redeeming qualities were that we had finally arrived in Bali, and we were standing behind what my friend and I nicknamed, "The Good-looking Couple". This couple had been on our flight from Malaysia to Bali, and were so incredibly good looking they gave Brangelina a run for their money. They were tall, tan, and Spanish. What's not to love about that?

Anyway, after getting through the line we went outside to a huge crowd of Balinese men holding up signs with names of tour groups, hostels, hotels etc. Finally I found my name, and we followed the guy over to his car. The drive to our cottage hostel took almost two hours. During those two hours I may or may not have shit my pants a number of times due to the fear of losing my life with the amount of insanity that goes on at any given moment on a Balinese "highway". There were dogs, cats, chickens, motorcycles packed 4 people deep, trucks playing chicken until the last second swerve, and half gravel half cement roads. It was absolutely insane, the craziest road I have ever been on.

We finally arrived at our hostel, were shown to our own little cottage, dropped our bags and then proceeded to hunt for food. We ate a delicious meal of vegetable and chicken curry, and headed back to sleep around 9:30 exhausted from traveling for almost 48 hours. Of course going to bed at 9:30 prompts early wake up, even for me. We awoke at 8 am, had breakfast and headed to the beach.

For the next few days this is basically what we did. There was a little back patio right on the beach side to our hostel, where we would eat breakfasts that consisted of delicious banana pancakes, fresh fruit, and strong Balinese coffee. We lounged at the beach most of the days, sometimes taking breaks to explore the town a bit. We came across a group of Australians who owned a hostel down the road from ours, and they decided to take us under their wings a little bit. They gave us advice about what to do, what to see, which taxis to take, and buses that won't rip us off.

One day the Australian owner (who was married to a Balinese woman and had two Balinese step sons) offered his sons taxi service to take us to the neighboring town for the ATM and down to the white sand beaches afterward. The moped ride was my favorite part of the trip by far. The scenery was absolutely amazing. They took us through rice fields, palm trees, typical Balinese towns, and even a monkey forest. It was really cool. Of course when we arrived at the ATM it didn't work, and in turn I had to basically ration off the rest of my money on the trip for food. But once we got down to the white sand beach it didn't really matter anymore.

Another highlight of the trip was a tiny village where we were able to see a lot of the local life. Most women were sitting around weaving blankets or painting. The men were tending to the chickens or lighting fresh incense. There was a small school up there too, and the children were dressed in cute little uniforms.

The trip was really great. It was a short trip, but definitely worth the money and the travel. I had some pretty cool moments there, with people from all different nationalities. I think the best moment I had was with a young, local, Balinese girl. I had separated one night from my friend, and walked pretty far down the beach to try to catch the sunset. I walked really far out on the rocks, and sat down waiting for the sun to go down. The weather was getting quite cloudy, but it was still stunning. The girl was sitting close by with her boyfriend. All of the sudden she just plops down right next to me, a smile from ear to ear, and says "Hello". I said hello and we chatted for a few moments. Her English was not great, and it was a bit hard to understand. But I did manage to understand she wanted to try and practice her English. She was incredibly sweet, and it was a blessing to have her be so nice to me. Sometimes when you travel you just get into the mind set that everyone is trying to sell something to you, rip you off, smuggle something off of you. It was refreshing to sit with this local girl, and just have her be interested in where I was from and why the hell I was sitting on the middle of a rock on the North shore of Bali. It's little things like this that make the layovers, delays, visas and all the other shit you have to go to when traveling worth it.

And alas, now I am sitting back in Korea where it is humid as hell outside, wondering where I will plan my next adventure.

Life is good when all you have to worry about is where you'll travel to next eh?

Time

2010-08-08T03:43:00.001-07:00

I've never met two more different people than my mother and my father. I can't even believe they've been married for as long as they have because they seem so fundamentally different. I mean really, it's not really a marriage after 30 some odd years is it? I wouldn't call it marriage, but successfully co-existing rather. (I'll hear an ear full of this later I'm sure.) Who knows, maybe they were more alike when they got married than they are today.

My dad is very calm, cool and collected. He's the "cooler than the cat that went to school just for lunch" kinda guy. Now granted, he's nearly 100 years old...so who's to say he wasn't ape shit insane in his early years. (I'm kidding dad. You don't look a day over 60.) And my mother, oh my mother. She does things at a mile a minute, and works herself until exhaustion everyday. But I've never met a person with more drive, more ambition, and more sass in their ass than my mother. All of which I love dearly. If my parents were Winnie the Pooh characters my mother would be Tigger, and my father would be Eeyore. (Not the sad and depressed part of Eeyore, just the cool, laid back, nonchalant-ness of Eeyore.)

This brings me to my next point. Can two people who are so different survive in a long lasting friendship? A long lasting relationship? Can it work?

While living in Korea, I have met a plethora of people who are vastly different than myself. I enjoy meeting and being around people like me. But there comes a point when the differences between two people become an obstacle that seems too hard to overcome. Can someone who is chronically early last against someone who is chronically late? Can someone who is a sarcastic asshole connect with someone who is painfully shy? Can a Jewish person fall in love with a Buddhist? (I'm just throwing this in there because lets face it, everyone loves Jewish people. Have you ever met a Jew that isn't a fucking riot? They're hilarious. Bottom line.)

What I'm getting at is, how do we make friendships work? How do we make relationships work? Of course it's easy to have acquaintances, and people you have coffee with once or twice a week. But I'm talking about our "people" in our lives. The ones that stick around, the ones that we let see us without our make up on. The ones we are willing to let brave the early morning hours of that dreaded dragon breath (at their own risk of course.)

Do these "people" even exist in the world? Or will I always have to be toning down my strong opinions and emotions in order to not offend someone, or hurt their feelings? Will I have to hide my true feelings and emotions in a relationship just to keep it going? I've realized since being here it has been quite the struggle to figure out what is easier. Is it easier being true to myself, or trying to please others for friendship? Does there have to be a choice?

Maybe the "people" and relationships we seek in our lives just take time. Maybe as time goes on, you learn to leave 5 minutes later when meeting your chronically late friend. Maybe you learn to bite your tongue a little bit, take a step back when things get too emotional.

Maybe the reason why my parents have been married so long is because my dad is the only one that can handle my mom when she's stomping around the kitchen at 6 am because no one made the coffee. Or because my mom is the only one that can handle my dad when he's feeling ill, and she asks him what he's had to eat all day and he says, "chips".

I've also learned that maybe I put too many expectations on friendships and relationships. I put people in one single category because I'm too afraid that's what they're doing to me. If Korea has taught me one thing thus far, it is patience. Maybe I need to learn a little patience in order for me to see the genuine friendships/relationships I've made. Perhaps it's just time.

This Country Makes Me All Kinds of Crazy

2010-07-21T04:09:00.001-07:00

I'm almost 100% positive that at any given moment in this country, I am completely, and utterly clueless as to what's going on. This has proved to be quite irritating for my A-type personality.

Of course I don't speak Korean, nor can I read the language. I can say about three words in Korean, and that has gotten me thus far. I truly do intend to learn more, but it's been a bit daunting. Especially when I go to speak I automatically turn to Spanish, which doesn't work out so well with these Koreans.

I remember when I first arrived; I was literally paralyzed in my own apartment. I woke up at the butt crack of dawn the first day, which hasn't happened since.... I dunno, birth. Apart from thinking, "whoa...this is morning?!" I was also trying to figure out where the hell I was. I had my backpack, my computer, and a small twin mattress lying on the floor. I had no food, no water, and no cell phone. For the next 8 hours or so I tried to convince myself to go outside and attempt to get something to eat.

I was petrified. What if I tried to pay for something and the person at the counter asked me a question in Korean? Or what if I got lost and couldn't find my way back to the apartment? What if I came home to my apartment and there was a killer inside waiting to attack me, and then no one would find out for a long time because I wasn't reachable in this freaking country yet, and hadn't even reported to work, nor told my parents I had arrived safely? (This is how my brain works people. Deal with it.)

So eventually I made it down to the mini-stop, and eventually made it to my job, and eventually made new friends. But the confusion cloud that surrounds this country is just as thick as the mold growing in the upper right hand corner of my shower that I can't reach.

I never know what's going on at work. Everyday I come and something has changed. The time I teach has changed, the order of classes has changed, the children get perms, the cd player is broken, the Korean teachers are nice, (but most of the time they're mean), or there are just no children all together. I can't even begin to think of how many times I've showed up to work and there are no children. I walk in and the teachers laugh like it's the funniest thing in the world. Then they make the big "X" motion with their arms (you know exactly what I'm talking about), and attempt to tell me there's no school today. You would think they could find a way to CALL me before making the hour trip to work. They know the word "no", and they know "teacher Kasserin", and they even know "today". Surely they can connect a sentence over the phone like, "No teacher Kasserin today".

You see the thing is, as much as Korea has the reputation of being so organized and efficient (or is that Japan? Who knows, the rule of thumb seems to be Asians have their shit together. Period), it's not the kind of organized and efficient that I need it to be. If you know me, you know how I am. And while it may drive you nuts, things have to be organized, things have to be clean, and things have to have a reason behind them. Otherwise my brain won't have it.

For example; why do all Korean doors say 'push' in English, but are clearly all 'pull'? Or why can I only pay my utilities bill at one certain bank that is a 15-minute walk away, when there are at least 10 other banks on the way? Why does the Korean man with the button up shirt and bad comb-over on the subway in the morning insist on doing very inappropriate stretches that make everyone else around him uncomfortable? Why does my washing machine skip the rinse cycle sometimes, so that when I go to pull my clothes out they're still sopping in soap? Why do the Koreans do the 'Korean squat'? Doesn't it hurt their knees?

I never know the answer to these ‘whys' in this country, and the reasoning behind some of these things if you ask a Korean, are almost always ludicrous. "Excuse me, why isn't the air-conditioner on today?" "Not hot". "Yeah you're probably right. 36 above with 70% humidity does seem rather cool today".

While living here I've learned I can't have complete control over my environment, nor do I want to. I've learned people are perfectly happy doing things that don't make any sense to me, and they're perfectly happy having no common sense reason behind it. I do know that this country keeps me on my toes nearly everyday. Heck, I'm a god-dammed ballerina over here.

Give me a book, a cup of coffee, an art museum, a photography exhibit, live music, good beer, a person I love, something to clean, something to look forward to, any of these things and I'm happy. And I can find these things in Korea. Who knows, maybe I'm the one who doesn't make sense. Maybe I'm the crazy one.

Haha. Yeah right.

Kids Say The Darndest Things

2010-07-13T00:52:00.001-07:00

Me: Okay everybody turn the page to letter Z!
Students: Letter J!

Me: No, not letter J, letter Z! Z-z-z-zzzzz
Students: J-j-j-jjjjj

Me: Okay lets try a picture. What's the first picture of?
Students: Zebra!

Me: Good! Okay what's the second picture of?
Students: Jew!

Me: I'm sorry what?
Students: J-j-jewwwww!

Me: Um no. The second picture is of a ZOO! Z-z-zoooooo
Students: J-j-jewwwwww

Me: No. Listen to teacher. Watch my mouth.

---> Student raises his hand.

Me: Yes? Can you tell me what the second picture is?
Student: Teacher, Jews are dirty and stinky.

Me: Ay dios mios. I give up.

Dear Mom

2010-07-11T01:22:00.001-07:00

Dear Mom,

I truly believe that almost half a persons character and personality is due to the way they were brought up, the nurturing (or lack thereof) by their parents, and just their parents existence in general. I believe I get my creative, organized and calm (don't laugh) side from dad. And just in the last few weeks, I've come to realize just exactly what I've gotten from you.

I want to thank you for teaching me to be an individual. I want to thank you for teaching me to be a strong-minded woman, and never apologizing for it. I appreciate the encouragement to do whatever I want to do in life, whether it involves going to graduate school or leaving everything and everyone behind to travel the world.

I thank you for letting me know I have a place in this world. To know that I can be critical, and that being critical is not always a negative thing. Two things can happen to a person in this world: they can either let the world swallow them whole, or they can take the world into their own two hands and make whatever the hell they want their existence to be.

Being a white woman in Korea has taught me a lot about myself. I have realized how strong my character is, and how this is perceived by others. You have taught me to embrace this perception, and to not be embarrassed by it. I'm opinionated, loud, judgmental when I feel strongly about something, compassionate when something moves me, and critical of others but mostly of myself.

At the end of the day it's all about being able to look yourself in the mirror, being able to wake up and feel that I am true to myself. From you I have learned that while our past still haunts us, it does not become the person we are on a day-to-day basis.

Thank you for being the one person I can rely on, and the one person who never gives up on me. It is from you that I have the courage to keep moving forward, to keep setting these wild almost unattainable goals for myself, and to always, always, always stand up for my beliefs.

If I had to pick just one thing I am thankful for, I am thankful that I am your daughter.

Love always,

One Is The Loneliest Number

2010-07-04T08:00:00.001-07:00

Today is The Fourth of July. Besides it being the fourth day of the seventh month, it is Independence Day back in the states. It was a weird day for me because I'm usually fairly excited about the fourth. The U.S traditions of barbeques all day long, good beer, and an amazing fire-works show to top off the night are all something I look forward to every year. I found myself avoiding other Americans here, and politely declining invites for barbeques. And I'm not really sure why. Maybe I've been in a bit of a funk this week, or maybe I didn't want to pretend that we could make the fourth as good as it is back home. Or maybe I didn't want to think about the states, people in the states, and what usually happens in the states on this day...at all.

Instead I did the normal Sunday duties. I made a big breakfast, did laundry, worked out, and attempted but failed to go grocery shopping. It was a fine day. And I'm okay with fine.

In the past week I have had some odd encounters with some Koreans. Most of the time any encounter with a Korean usually involves them treating me like a complete imbecile, staring at me like I'm from another planet, or just flat out pretending I don't exist. But the Koreans I have come in contact with (and when I say 'in contact' with I mean actually physical or vocal contact, obviously I come into contact with Koreans every single day), have been quite pleasant.

The first occurred when on a weekly walk with my friend Claire. We were crossing a bridge and this elderly Korean woman literally could not take her eyes off of us. So I waved and smiled, asked her how she was. She was taken back a bit, but smiled and mumbled something in Korean. We walked a bit further down the river and realized she was following us. She came right up on us and began talking to us. It was obvious with our blank stares that we did not understand what she was saying, but that did not seem to faze her. She kept speaking. She eventually grabbed us both by the arms and started to drag us down the path. She kept pointing up to some strange building, and gesturing wildly. This literally went on for 10-15 minutes or so, while Claire and I grunted something here and there and this woman-speaking non-stop in a language we did not understand. Then all of the sudden she hugged us, reached into her pocket, and handed us a small candy. She was actually very pleasant, and who knows what she was actually saying. But she seemed to like us, and if we could have understood each other who knows what kind of stories we could have shared.

The second occurred on that same day, as we were heading home. Since arriving we have been trained to keep our eyes on various trash areas in hopes to find something to furnish our almost completely bare apartments. On this particular day we found a gold mine. The apartment building next to ours had an entire treasure chest of things we wanted to take. Of course it just being the two of us, had to choose wisely. I really needed an office chair, and there was a decent one there. However, it was really short. I tipped it over and tried to unscrew all the knobs, when the Korean security guard came up. He started talking to us, but again we had no idea what he was saying. He was motioning with his hands and pointing down at the ground. We quickly realized he was saying there was a taller chair somewhere...presumably down in the ground? We weren't sure. He shuffled into the building and hollered at us to follow him. He went down to the basement, and opened this really large steel door. Now, looking back on this, it was probably really stupid of us to follow him into what we now call 'The Dungeon'. But this guy was a small, older Korean man, and we were certain we could take him if he tried any funny business. He then enters this pitch-black room, reaches up and pulls the light string. And there it was. A lone office chair much larger than the one in the trash, in a very dusty, creepy basement. Why was the chair in there execution style all alone in this creepy basement? We didn't ask. We took the chair, thanked the man, and went on our way.

It seems as though just when I think I have figured out my stance on a culture, or a place (bad or good) something happens and I change my mind. Even the coffee shop I visit every morning before I head into school, has a nice Korean owner who shares her fruit with me when I have the time to sit down.

When I was out on my walk today, I sat down on some rocks to take a little break. I started to think about my time here in Korea thus far, and what's to come next. And before I knew it I had tears in my eyes. And the strange part? I couldn't for the life of me figure out why I was upset. I just was. Maybe I was lonely, or maybe I was thinking of people celebrating the Fourth back home. Maybe I was missing someone I shouldn't miss, or wishing I could talk to a friend who turned me away. Maybe I was thinking how long a year actually is, and how sometimes the traveling I want to do after seems so far away.

Sometimes I feel off my game in this country, while sometimes I feel the strongest I have been in a long time. I change my mind about Korea everyday. And I suppose that's a good relationship to have with Korea. If it were too good I wouldn't want to leave and fulfill my goals of travel. And if it were horrible I would be high-tailing it back "home", where I feel more out of place than ever.

Sometimes you just have those days you know? Even in a country full of 50 million people, I still feel lonely sometimes.

Music Monday - On Thursday

2010-06-24T03:18:00.001-07:00

I love discovering new music, or even rediscovering old music. I was chattin' with my new bestie here in Korea (old bestie, if you're reading this, which I hope you are, I miss you. Don't leave this country without saying goodbye), and I realized her taste in music against mine is just phenomenal.

She introduced me to a bunch of new bands from Canada where the indie scene is quite prevalent. And I dig the indie scene, if done right. From City of Colour, to Bon Iver and Metric to Tegan & Sara...I'm in love with everything that flows to my ears. (Note : Bon Iver are from the U.S, not Canada) :)

While offering up some new bands/artists for my friend to check out, I rediscovered Lori McKenna for at least two hours last night. She's a local artist from Boston, who didn't start writing songs or even recording until the age of 27. So it just goes to show it's never too late to become great at something.

Her song "Make Every Word Hurt" literally reaches down to the depths of my soul. And that's pretty far down there. I think it's kind of ironic that she's from Boston, and almost every word in this song pertains to my life when I lived there. Check her out, all of her songs are nothing short of amazing.

Well don't waste your time
Don't allow him distractions
If you have to close your eyes
But don't wait for a reaction

Don't stop to breathe
And don't wipe your mouth
You won't be misperceived
I'll figure it out

But whatever you do
For whatever it's worth
If you're gonna tear my world apart
Then I'd prefer
Don't leave me confused
Don't let the lines blur
If you're gonna tell me
You don't love me anymore
Make every word hurt....

Don't walk away now
And don't second guess
You felt this way a moment ago
Why should my tears change any of this?

So whatever you do
For whatever it's worth
If you're gonna tear my world apart
Then I'd prefer
Don't leave me confused
Don't let the lines blur
If you're gonna tell me
You don't love me anymore
Make every word hurt....

Make every word sting
Make every word bleed
Until I'm not gonna wanna love you anymore
Until you're nothing I need
So when I wake up in the morning
For the next 20 years
I won't be wishing
For someone who just disappears

So whatever you do
For whatever it's worth
If you're gonna tear my world apart
Then I'd prefer
Don't leave me confused
Don't let the lines blur
If you're gonna tell me
You don't love me anymore
Make every word hurt....

Koreans and Their Nonsensical Ways : Part I

2010-06-24T02:33:00.001-07:00

Koreans and Their Nonsensical Ways: Part I

This will be part one of I’m sure plenty of lists that will voice the perplexity that is Korea. Or Koreans themselves rather, and their perplexing ways. It’s just a fun list people, so don’t get your panties in a twist over some of the very stereotypical and some downright racist things this list might include. I’m American. And everybody hates Americans for some reason or another. And everyone is perplexed by the behaviors of Americans. So let me have my list.

1 – They eat with two sticks more commonly referred to as chopsticks. I’ve never spent so much time concentrating on getting the food to actually arrive in my mouth, and not in my lap.

2 – Koreans are completely nonsensical about temperature. Whether it’s 90 above and they refuse to put on the air-conditioner, or 90 below and they have all the windows wide open!

3 – Running like a bat outta hell…everywhere. Even if a Korean isn’t in a hurry, they’re running. Running for kimchi, running for a seat on the train, running for a few seconds…stopping…and running again. I always tell people, ‘Koreans are always running somewhere, but going no where.’

4 – The women wear heels ALL DAY EVERYDAY. Now I can strut my stuff in heels, not gonna lie, but I certainly couldn’t where them day in and day out. They also insist on wearing skin colored tights under everything, shorts, skirts, dresses, and pants.

5 – Need a refrigerator or washing machine? All you have to do is run down a passing van or truck with a loud speaker attached to it, and an old Korean man yelling the latest deal on a household appliance. Really? Why would I buy a buy a washing machine from a guy in a van zipping by me, yelling god knows what into his mega-phone.

6 – When hiking even the smallest of hills in Korea, Koreans will wear a hiking outfit fit for Bear Grylls. In head to toe North Face, hiking boots, and a hiking poll…they mean business.

7 – Koreans don’t sweat. Bottom line. I just don’t get it. I show up to work, my face dripping in sweat and beet red to boot. The teachers look at me in bewilderment, like I just stepped off of Mars or something. “Kasserin! It's warm today huh?" Warm?! I'm damn near melting!

8 – Koreans hate foreigners, especially Americans. (At least in my opinion) Yet everywhere you look there are English signs, restaurants, and models on their advertisements. And more than 3/4 of the population sport t-shirts with grammatically incorrect English on them.

9 – It’s considered “inappropriate” to show your shoulders as a woman, or any part of your chest. But wearing a skirt or shorts so short you might as well not even be wearing them…seems to be tolerated.

10 – There are no public trashcans ANYWHERE. Basically people throw their litter in the middle of the streets. It’s extremely dirty and polluted here. I suppose a Korean would argue it gives jobs to those who have to clean the streets at 3 am, but I think I’d rather be held socially responsible for throwing away my own rubbish rather than trudging along in a whole days worth on the side-walk. Yuck!

Worlds Apart

2010-06-20T08:07:00.000-07:00

I've recently become friends with a girl whom I have grown quite fond of the last few weeks. I think she might be the first genuine person I have met here in Korea thus far. I have learned that there are two types of people in Korea; those who are running away from something, and those who are running towards something. I think I'm a mix of the two. I suppose there could be a third type, those who come for the money, get comfortable with the life-style, and start dating a Korean. But that doesn't really count. Why? Just because I say so.

Today my friend and I were out and about, and we sat down for a moment before catching the train back to our neighborhood. She mentioned something so interesting to me that I'm still thinking of it five hours later. She grew up in Canada, in the same house, with the same friends, and living in a small town for most of her life. She did some traveling and lived in Turkey for a while. I on the other hand, have not lived in the same house for longer than two or three years, let alone state. I have lived in a total of seven states, and as of now three countries. I have also spent a lot of time traveling.

She said how amazing it seems that we came from such completely different backgrounds, the exact opposite almost, and we still both ended up here in Korea. Now. We are both still working, and anticipating the same thing. We are both eager to see the world, and want to spend a lot of our near future accumulating knowledge on other cultures and living abroad.

It's funny how strangers’ paths cross, and the people who seemed to be on the same path suddenly decide to choose a different one. Just these few months that I have been in Korea, have had such an impact on me. I used to think I had the worst luck in the world that I must have done something terrible in another life to have things turn out this way. I truly understand what it is to be independent, and to live every part of your life to your own being. I truly believe that what you put in is what you get, and will infinitely believe in karma.

Now I can understand why I felt like no matter how I tried the last five or six years, things just would not fall into place. I was not living for myself. I was making decisions based on something else, on someone else. I was struggling for approval from everyone, and not focusing on the approval from myself. I was convinced if I was making someone else happy, it would in return make me happy.

I not-so-quickly learned that I had gone about living in all the wrong ways. While I don't think that my life from here on out will be full of rainbows and unicorns, I do know that I feel better equipped to handle disappointment and defeat. And just learning that lesson makes everything before now worth it somehow. Although I miss things and people more than I should, and more than they will ever know, this is the place I should be. For the first time I can say this is the place I should be.

People ask me all the time if I get tired of moving around and traveling so much. And the answer is of course I do. I have done some amazing things, and will continue to do amazing things. Will I nest someday? Maybe. Will I continue to travel? Probably.

World Cup 2010

2010-06-11T23:20:00.000-07:00

Yesterday marks the first official day of the World Cup 2010. The World Cup is the greatest sporting event in the world, in my opinion. Despite the fact that soccer is insanely fun to watch, the amount of patriotism that comes out during this event is amazing. I don't usually like to boast that I'm from America, but during sporting events like this it's nice to represent. I spent last night painting a white polo I bought from Emart as an American flag. I also painted a smaller South African flag in the bottom left hand corner of the shirt, and the back says USA!

If the U.S wins this game it would be an OUTRAGEOUS win, and bring back memories circa 1950 the last time U.S played against England. It's gonna be a great game.

This World Cup I also have paraphernalia for South Korea (because that would be wrong to be living here and not support their team), and of course Spain. I honestly think Spain could do very well this year. I have a jersey from Barcelona that I'll probably sport when they play. I'm rooting for USA, Spain and Italy...although Italy and Germany I think will go the farthest.

So in anticipation of the game tonight, USA! USA! USA! Ole!

Ahhhh Reflection

2010-06-07T08:00:00.000-07:00

Summer is here my friends. Summer's here, and he ain't messin' around. I find it's always good to reflect on the things we're thankful for in the evening time when it's cooler. Because when I'm walking to school in 90 degree weather (and what feels like 1000% humidity) and there is so much sweat cumulating in my ass crack that I could collect it and live off of it for an entire year if I were stranded in the desert.....I'm not feelin' so thankful.

Most of my days lately have been going a little something like this:

I wake up spread eagle style, drenched in sweat with my covers strewed about the room. I get in the shower, revel at how amazing life seems under a shower, and fix myself a cup of coffee. Then I think to myself, " why in GODS name am I having HOT coffee right now?!" I spit my coffee out, and proceed to stand with my head halfway in the fridge for the next 40 minutes. I somehow manage to get myself ready without fainting, and make my way to school. On the 15-minute walk from the subway to the school, I'm cursing every non-sweaty, no-body hair Korean in sight. I'm also cursing every Korean woman in her mid-20's wearing what seems to be a very well put together clubbing outfit. Really ladies? It's Monday, and it's a million degrees. WHY are you wearing heels, tights, a mini-skirt, a t-shirt and a blazer?? It's rather absurd.

I get to school and realize the gate is locked. AGAIN. "Oh Kasserin...press bell, press bell". I press the "bell" for about 20 minutes because no one is near the office to hear the bell to buzz me in. Then inevitably a Korean teacher realizes that I'm not there.... you know teaching...and shuffles outside to let me in. "Kasserin! Kasserin! Late late! Teach teach!". I usually smile and say sorry, but what I'm really thinking is no shit Sherlock. I've been standing outside for lord knows how long pushing that damn bell that none of you can hear. Sometimes I say things like "Oh! I'm so sorry! I was across the way, having myself an iced cafe latte, reading the morning newspaper. I completely lost track of time!" The teachers give me a strange look during these times of sarcasm, and just push me through to their classroom where the kids are waiting impatiently.

I teach for 4 hours. But I'm convinced they've put me into some kind of time warp because it feels like I teach for about 10. I can just picture my Wongja (principal) sitting in her little office, turning back the time hour by hour, giggling to herself "He he he stupid American.... you think it's 5 o'clock somewhere? It's never 5 o'clock in Korea!"

During my teaching hours I consider two things. First, I think why in the hell haven't they turned on the air-conditioning. And secondly, I think how much damage I would really do if I just totally judo'd this kid and drop kicked him a good one to his face. Yeah, my students and I have a great relationship. But then there's Jin Bae. Who, no matter what has happened in class that day, says "Kasserin! I luuub you!" as I'm leaving.

So the end of the teaching day is always a little better than the beginning. But then I leave again and come out into the vortex of heat hell. I walk down to the subway and hang around for an extra half hour trying to stay cool under-ground. I get back up to my apartment and gorge myself on pp & honeys, and usually pass out on my bed for an hour or two. Then I'll meet up with a friend for dinner or coffee, and we'll stroll down to Jeongja to walk along the river.

When I arrive back at my apartment I realize this is exactly where I want to be right now. I realize when I meet a new friend that I know will be an asset to my life, it makes me appreciate the choices I've made to be here. And when I'm feeling anxious about waking up and doing it all over again, I think about these few moments of serenity I have before bed each night. I think about how calm it is, and how calm I am. I realize the kids are too cute to boot, the sun is shining, I have food in my fridge, coffee ready in the morning, and a paycheck coming soon.

I realize I'm not waiting. I'm not waiting on anyone or anything. And that's a wonderful thing.

Trade This Life To Be Back "home"? NEVER

2010-05-28T06:39:00.000-07:00

I like to write things down. A lot. I write everything down. I write lists like crazy. I write what I'm thinking, or lyrics to songs I want to remember. I also tend to write down dates and times of things that I'm doing that I want to remember, or that I want to go back later and write in my journal about. Sometimes I have millions of pieces of paper folded up, and shoved into my bag, only later to find half of them a code that I cannot decipher.

Sometimes when I can't seem to find a reason why I would write a particular thing down, I just opt for taping or gluing it in my journal because it had to have been important right? Occasionally what I write down is hilarious, and other times it's quite disturbing. Once I found a folded napkin in the side pocket of my purse, that had a date and the word "HATE" written on it in capital letters. I can't remember what exactly I was doing on that date, or who exactly I was with, but it's clear that I was not pleased. And once I found a yellow sticky note that said, "Sandwiches here RULE. Come back. Order turkey". But no where on the sticky did I write where I had eaten this amazing sandwich.

The other night I got lost trying to go somewhere, and ended up spending what felt like an entire day on the bus. On the way home I wrote this in my notebook :

That pretty much sums it up.

The Invitation

2010-05-24T07:18:00.000-07:00

Figuring Out The Kind of Traveler, Friend, and Person I Want to be all in one Weekend

2010-05-23T07:57:00.003-07:00

This past Friday was a holiday, Buddha’s birthday to be exact. We were excused from work on Friday, and I decided to visit a very dear friend of mine from Spain who is teaching 3 hours away in Gwangju. I left Thursday evening after work, and I have to say I am quite impressed with public transportation here in Korea. I showed up at one of the main train stations in Seoul, was able to book a train for an hour later, and arrived 3 hours on the dot later in Gwangju. It was the smoothest train traveling I have ever taken.

We arrived back at her apartment near midnight, drank some wine, and went out on the town to dance the night away. On Friday afternoon, we decided to scout the town to see what was happening at a local temple. Of course it being Buddha’s birthday, there were tons of ceremonies and things to do in the towns center. We ended up walking around a small temple, and the local Koreans were actually quite pleased to see us there. Well at least it seemed. They might have just been surprised to see four young American women, and our friend Joe who is almost 7 feet tall. Needless to say they were in awe, and even asked our friend Rachel to come up on stage to talk about America. Saturday turned cold and rainy, which was a bit odd because Friday was insanely hot and humid. But it was wonderful just to sit around my friend’s apartment, drink wine and cook together on Saturday night. I arrive back in Bundang around 4ish on Sunday.

It's a funny thing coming back to my apartment here in Bundang. It felt like I was coming home, to my home. It was a good feeling, an accomplished feeling, a comforting feeling. I remember feeling that after arriving back from trips in Europe when I lived in Sevilla. It makes me feel like I'm making a little dent in this chaotic life that is Korea.

I learned quite a lot from this short trip down South. But then again I always learn so much when I'm around inspiring women like my friend Anna. I have never met a more beautiful soul. She makes me realize what kind of person I am, and what kind of person I want to be. She makes me take a step back from my life, and really look into it from the outside. And when I see me through her eyes, I see someone strong, intelligent, loyal, creative, loving, and brave. When I speak with Anna I discover new music, new art, new styles that I want to adopt into my life. And every time I see her, I come back yearning for a creative outlet that's bursting at the seams. So I come back to Bundang in search of more knowledge about the culture of Korea, the artistic genre of Korea, and something that can/will sustain my creativity in Korea. Last week I went to an open mic night, but was too afraid to get up on stage. This week I will go to that open mic night, get up on stage, and lose my inhibitions.

I also discovered what kind of traveler I want to be, and kind of traveler I have been. A friend of mine from high school also came along the trip down South, and has been in Korea for 6 months or so. However, she doesn't seem to be happy in Korea. And to be quite honest, not many foreigners seem to be happy in Korea. They complain...a lot. They complain about the Koreans, the culture, the city, the air, the water, the work. It's true what they say, "Misery Loves Company", because when a group of foreigners get together they seem to do nothing but complain. The one thing she kept saying that struck me as odd that I've heard numerous times before, "This is not the real world". I finally said to her, this IS the real world! What other world could this be? "Back home", is no more real than the life we're living here. In that moment I realized the kind of traveler I want to be. I want to be always in the now, always in the moment, always in the country I am traveling in. I don't want to be constantly referring to things back "home", or constantly being anxious about what I will do if/when I return "home". I want to be able to realize where I am in the world, why I am here in this place right now, where I have been, and where I am going. I want to be the kind of traveler that looks back occasionally, looks forwards sometimes, but is always looking in the mirror. Here. I am here. I am not at home; I am not in my next destination. I am here.

Being around these women this weekend, also made me realize what kind of friend I want to be. And what kind of friend I hope that I am. I want to be the kind of friend that inspires creativity, that lends a hand or a cup of coffee in the morning. I want to be the kind of friend that makes eggs and toast in the morning. I want to be the kind of friend who gives advice, but most importantly doesn't feel like I need to give advice. I want to be able to listen freely first, and offer my opinion second. Recently I have come into a situation regarding a long-standing friendship that has confused me, that saddens me. I have come to the realization that I want to be the kind of friend that doesn't turn my back on you, that always has my door open. I want to be the kind of friend that is honest, even if honesty will hurt. I want to be the kind of friend who will do anything for friendship. The kind of person who will always be there, never turn my back, even when your back has been turned to me.

The weekend prior to this was the Lotus Lantern Festival in celebration of Buddha’s birthday as well. I took some photos, although with so many people crowding the street it was hard to get a quality shot. I have attached some photos, and apologize for the lack of photography skills. These past two weekends in Korea have been a blessing, have been truly character building.

Trouble with a capital T

2010-05-07T22:40:00.000-07:00

Dear Random Korean Cab Driver,

   I sincerely apologize for vomiting in your very clean cab last night. It certainly was not my intention to become so intoxicated, sometimes these things just happen. I also wanted to thank you for not kicking me out of your cab, you know, because of the vomit. I was highly impressed at your concern for my well-being, as I noticed you rolled down the window and even tried to slow down as I opened the door while you were doing 80mph over the Han River.

  In retrospect, it probably wasn't the best idea to go to Ladies Night for free drinks. But it was night time, I'm a lady, and I'm not sure if you've noticed..but Americans love free stuff. Needless to say, it was what led me to be in such a state while in your cab.

I hope you know that I feel terrible about it today, and you're probably cursing me right now. Maybe you're not cursing me right now, your mother probably taught you better. I know what you're thinking, and yes my mother did teach me not to drink too much. But that's really here nor there, and like I said, these things happen sometimes.

  However, I did give you all my money last night. Which I'm fairly certain was double what the cab ride actually cost. So go ahead, treat yourself to something nice, or perhaps a new detailing job on your cab. Your choice.

  I hope you take my apology, although it's very likely I will never see you again. It's probably what's best anyway. Thank you again, have a wonderful Saturday!

Searching for hope from Korea

2010-05-06T01:32:00.002-07:00

I've been meaning to post for a few weeks now. I've been in Korea almost a month, and there is so much to say and so much to reflect on. I have had too many ideas, too many posts, and it has been difficult to narrow down which ones I want to write about.

However today, this post, has absolutely nothing to do with Korea. This is about home. I've never really identified with a "home" because I have been constantly moving around for as far back as I can remember. But when people ask me where I'm from, I say Colorado. Colorado is the place that feels most like home to me. I go back to Colorado and recognize things, I recognize people. I can recognize the way my family was, and how our life used to be when we all lived there together. I see restaurants we visited, schools I attended, and houses we lived in. We will always have a home in Colorado, we will always go back to Colorado. In Colorado there will always be a "we", and that's why I cling to it so much.

I also have a best friend from Colorado. And today it saddens me from the darkest part of my heart to find a single sentence message in my inbox from him. Today, the only mail I have opened is this mail. Today, the only thing I have thought about is this sentence. Today I weep for my best friend, I weep for his family, I weep for my hometown. I cannot get the words, the sentence, the sound of my best friends voice out of my head. Today everything stops in Korea. Everything stops in Colorado.

Today, "something terrible happened, we lost my brother."

"It's as slippery as an Eel!"

2010-04-20T05:05:00.001-07:00

** Many of you have asked me how my life is going since arriving in South Korea. Well, I dedicate this post to the things I can check off my "Korean Checklist" now that I'm here. Many of you also know that I love making lists. And I'm about to seriously love me some Korea.

- Survive a 13 hour plane ride next to a very large, bald, white man who oddly resembles Hulk Hogan? Check.

- Successfully meet up with a man named Mr. Kim, who would eventually drive me to my school the first day? Check. (But seriously, Mr. Kim...in Korea? That was like BEING the needle in the haystack full of hundreds of Korean men named Mr. Kim.)

- Cursing myself for not bringing a winter coat because naturally, April = Spring, but rather finding in the land of Korea April = Snow? Check.

- Finding the coolest bar ever with all the Led Zeppelin, Bob Dylan, Oasis, Tom Waits and much more records on file? Check.

- Participating in a scavenger hunt consisting of hundreds of foreigners + insanity? Check.

- Having a group member put his arm in a live eel tank, grab the eel out, and slap another one of our team members in the face? Double check.

- Get a tattoo? Check

- Fall in love with the cute Korean boy who works at Dunkin Donuts because he gives me a perfect latte every morning, and he doesn't speak English that often, but when he does...it's perfect. Check.

- Watch Jonathan Lapham bust out a huge piece of cardboard in the middle of a busy intersection and attempt to break dance? Check.

- Meet tons of new people who I know will rock out in Korea with me the next year? Check.

- Successfully catching a nasty head cold within a week of arriving? Check. Attempting to ask the pharmacist for throat losengers but being rather certain I received mints instead? Check.

- Attempting, (but only succeeding with one or two), to teach my students to pronounce the "L" sound instead of the "R" sound? Check.

-Being extremely happy with where I am right now? Check. Check. And Check.

KOREA!!

2010-04-09T18:00:00.001-07:00

It's officially my first day in South Korea. I'm almost positive the last 24 hours have been the strangest 24 hours of my life. My flight from LA to Seoul was 13 hours, and the then drive to my place with Friday night traffic was almost 3 and a half.

Surprisingly I wasn't that tired after I arrived. My savior and one and only friend in South Korea thus far, Jonathan Lapham, met me at the airport and endured the insanely long ride to my place with me. After we moved all my stuff up to my apartment, we went around the corner to have some food. My first meal in Korea, totally Korean style. It was actually pretty good. Lots of pork, onions and mushrooms. Then I decided it was best that I went to bed because I had been up for almost 30 hours.

So now I am sitting here wide awake since 7:30 (that's probably a record for me or something), and I am trying to take in the insanity that is South Korea. I had pre-ordered a cell phone to be delivered to my place so it would be up and working when I arrived. Was it delivered? Yes. Does it work? Nope.

We spent all night last night trying to figure out how to make it work, but have yet to accomplish anything. I think that's the most frustrating thing because it was supposed to be this convenient thing, making the transition sooo much easier. But it doesn't work. So I'll have to update on how that is in a few days or so.

My apartment is actually fairly nice. A studio with a little kitchenette and bathroom. There is tons of storage. The heat and lights don't work. And I have no curtains. The neon signs outside that are lit 24/7 make it feel like day light 24/7....so that's cool. Haha. I'm going to have to get this curtain situation figured out asap.

I'm supposed to start "work" on Monday. And I say that lightly because I'll be working like 3 hours a day. Which will be good to start out with. I can't even begin to wrap my mind around the city, the subway or the buses. I am set to meet a woman at some subway station on Monday, so until then I'll be studying the subway lines and trying to figure everything out. Being here is super overwhelming right now, but it's the beginning. And it's the beginning of a good thing. So I'm happy. It. Will. Be. Good.

Top 3 Things I Like About Korea So Far:

1. I have my own place. No more cleaning up after people, sharing bathrooms, or wondering what kind of mystery liquid is on the toilet seat anymore. I call that a success.

2. There are tons of coffee and bagel shops around. I'm gonna rock the bagel like every morning.

3. It's new, and still exciting!

Top 3 Things I Don't Like About Korea So Far:

1. My cell phone doesn't work and I have no idea how to get ahold of anyone that I need to get ahold of.

2. It's freezing. This is not Spring. This is winter.

3. Everything's in Korean. Haha. Seriously though. It's crazy.

Twenty Five Things in 25 Years

2010-03-30T00:52:00.000-07:00

~ A quarter of a century huh? Hot-damn that's old. I feel old. It's my birthday (well technically tomorrow the 29th is), and I feel old. I wish I could take about 14 years of my 25 years here on Earth, and have a re-do. BUT, I vow to make the next 25 nothing but phenomenal. Nevertheless, here are 25 things I've learned, thought, or wanted to share after living for twenty-five years! ~

1. Coffee is the best beverage next to peach iced tea.

2. You can't disguise the taste of mayonnaise. Trying to sneak flavors in like pesto or sun dried tomato doesn't work. It still tastes like mayonnaise, it still is mayonnaise, and it's still disgusting.

3. Living with boys isn't easier than living with girls like I had thought. It's definitely a lot more fun, but it's not easier.

4. Sometimes when people ask me how I am, I shouldn't take it so literally. Sometimes I should just say, "Good, how are you?".

5. The time I spent in Sevilla is virtually untouchable. It was that good.

6. You can't try to recreate something that was so good, it's nearly impossible.

7. I love a man with a beard.

8. No matter what, there are ALWAYS security cameras in the stairways of hotels. ALWAYS.

9. If I don't clean something during the day, I don't feel productive.

10. Big breasts are overrated.

11. Led Zeppelin is one of the best bands of all time.

12. Red lipstick is really hard to pull off.

13. People who don't put the effort in to keep in touch, don't deserve to be kept in touch with. So you have got to let them go.

14. I could eat sushi everyday and never get tired of it.

15. If I'm not reading a book, I feel like something is missing in my life.

16. Empathy is by far the best attribute a person can have. Use it wisely.

17. A girl should know how to walk in heels. And walk in them well.

18. Chivalry is not dead.

19. Pro-choice doesn't mean pro-abortion. Most women should be on birth control and take responsibility for their own actions.

20. If I'm ever mad at you, all you have to do is hug me.

21. "Sometimes people seem rad for a really long time. And then they aren't." Direct quote from Jonathan Lapham. Love that kid.

22. Dancing makes life better.

23. I really want to own an old mom and pop bakery one day. And become a professional cake decorator.

24. When I'm a little tipsy, I apparently speak fluent Spanish. I can still hang when I'm sober though. :)

25. Sometimes things aren't what they seem, sometimes people aren't who they seem. Sometimes you can spend years loving someone and then suddenly stop. Sometimes when you stop loving someone you find yourself again, you realize maybe you never really loved them.

--> In this I have learned that I like the person I am. I will no longer put my dreams aside for someone else's. I will no longer act the way someone wants me to act. I will no longer apologize for being emotional. I will no longer change the person I am, what I look like, or how I feel to better suit someone's life. I have learned that after 25 years of living, I will become who I want to be. And today I am who I want to be.

Cheers to the next 25!

Daddy Dearest

2010-03-27T00:35:00.000-07:00

My dad's a funny little man. It's true, quite literally. I'd say he's pretty funny at times, and every year he seems to be shrinking. I have no idea why he's shrinking, well actually I do but that's neither here nor there. But now I don't feel so bad when he peaks his little head out around the corner and I say, "Whatcha doin' lil guy?".

I've been home for a few months now, doing normal things people do when they're home. Like being cut open a lot (again neither here nor there), helping my dad settle into retirement (seriously boring), and saving money (and not making any either, so I don't know if it's technically "saving" money but rather trying really hard to keep my bank account at a standstill).

All of the above makes me realize how much I cannot wait to live alone. I've never lived alone. I haven't lived alone for the entire 25 (well almost 25, in two days) years I've been on this Earth. And I've had some crazy ass roommates. I've had roommates that throw my clothes out of our 6-story window and walk around naked in front of my boyfriend. I've had roommates that aren't really roommates because they're only there to do the three S's; shit, shower, and shave. I've had roommates who poor milk all over the entire apartment when they move out. And I've had roommates who make up songs entitled Making Fun Of Retarded Kids Ain't Funny, and blast Hanson until the wee hours of the morning.

But living with a handful of people that can be classified as socially inept, hasn't even compared to being back home and living with my parents. So I'm here to vent because venting to my parents about how annoying it is being back home, only gets met with comments about how lucky I am to be mooching off of them the last few months. Yeah yeah yeah, I'll be out of your hair (in fact out of the country) in less than a week 'rents.

- Top 10 Things That Drive Me Crazy About My Dad:

1. He's nearly deaf. I discovered this because I can have an entire conversation with the back of the man's head, and he won't even move a muscle. Also because the T.V only goes up to 60, and it's ALWAYS on 60.

2. He drives at least 5 mph UNDER the speed limit.

3. He chews the exact same amount of chews each time he places an item of food in his mouth. Three open mouth chews, followed by four closed mouth chews before swallowing. (It's stuff you notice after awhile...trust me).

4. He can sit in the same position for up to 8 hours a day, in a row. This is called retirement.

5. He hoards paper. It's true. There are stacks and stacks of paper in the office. If you try to designate a little corner for your own important papers, they get swallowed whole and lost forever in less than 2.5 seconds.

6. The man loves paper towels. I find little wadded up sheets of paper towels in places you wouldn't believe all over our house. Under the couch cushions, in the pantry, on the table, under the table, in the bed, in the laundry basket, anywhere BUT the trashcan.

7. He's not the best conversationalist. I can be stomping around the house crying hysterically, laughing hysterically, or doing anything hysterically, and he won't have a word to say about it. Not one.

8. He doesn't own a cell phone.

9. He watches Smallville.

10. He can't figure out the washing machine. The last time he put his clothes in the washer, he found some insane wash cycle I didn't even know existed, but apparently washes your clothes for FOUR HOURS!

** Of course I can't say all these things that drive me insane about my dad, without saying 10 things that I really love about my dad. Because hey, it's true what they say. Family: you can't live with 'em, and you can't live without 'em.

10 Things That I Absolutely Adore About My Dad:

1. He's worn the same exact pajamas every night since I was born, and probably before that. I find it endearing.

2. He's an amazing photographer. One day when I'm all grown up and have my own place in Sevilla, Edinburgh or New York, I'll have every photograph he's ever taken on every wall in my apartment.

3. He has to get his pants hemmed, even jeans. Because he's little....and cute.

4. When I was younger I was convinced he was the real life Inspector Gadget. He looks just like him.

5. He has amazing taste in music, and still owns every cassette tape and CD he's ever bought. And not to mention his itunes library. I can single handedly thank him for my obsession and dire love of the blues.

6. He's an extremely positive person, and always has a good attitude...all things considered. And those things being considered are my mom, my brother and myself. We're hell.

7. He's really crafty. MacGyver ain't got nothin' on pops.

8. He tries really hard to make my mom happy. And that's really sweet because my mom is insane. (Mom if you're reading this, that is a compliment. People who are not insane are mundane and boring. People who are not insane have office jobs and business degrees, thus being mundane and boring. Without your insanity we all would be nowhere).

9. He's probably the most genuine person I've ever met.

10. He's really old fashioned, and I love that. He's into wooing, opening doors, saying please and thank you, trying harder, stuff like that. I'll marry a man like that one day.

So dad, I guess I kinda like you sometimes. But I hope I never have to move home again. :)

Graduation 2009

Is authenticity achievable while traveling?

2010-03-10T16:56:00.000-07:00

Last night I was trying to fall asleep thinking about the usual three things I tend to think about before bed. 1) Whether or not my current situation could be a topic for the Oprah show. 2) Listing all the things I would say if I ever came across the person I hate the most. And 3) Where I'm going next, the people I'm going to meet, and the epic adventures I have encountered in the past.

But that's really beside the point. As far back as I can remember, my family and I have been moving around. I don't think we've ever lived in one place for more than four years maximum, and personally I've never lived anywhere longer than a year. I've changed apartments, houses, counties, every six months since I was 18 and moved away from "home".

While I have the drive to keep moving around, to keep traveling, to experience everything I can, sometimes I wonder just how much this 24-hour chaos is affecting me. Everyone always talks about their childhood best friends, or even their current best friends. I think I could name a "best" friend in every town I've ever lived in. But to say that I still keep in touch with all of them, or even half the people I've come across in my short lived life, would be a complete lie.

That's a little troubling for me. To me, the most important thing about life is the people we come in contact with, the lives we affect, and the people who affect ours. I am truly, genuinely interested in making authentic friendships and relationships. And to be honest, that has been really hard thus far. When you're constantly moving, traveling, and planning next trips it makes time and effort to get to know people rather difficult. For some. But not for me.

I sometimes wish everyone had the same desire. The simple desire to get to know another person, to affect and be affected. I know that acquaintances and small talk are unavoidable while living this life. But I'm constantly searching for something else, something a little more substantial.

And while I'm writing this I realize maybe it's not just the authentic relationships that I'm looking for. Maybe I'm looking for authentic experiences, to experience a new place, or a new life. I just know that for so long I was looking for these things, and in reality I wasn't being authentic to myself.

Confused yet? So am I. What I do know is this: if I meet you along the way, I promise that I will be genuinely interested in getting to know you, in what you're doing, and how you are. And I expect nothing more or nothing less in return. If you are a person, a country, or a book I read....I will be true to you. Because that's the way life should be.

I do not regret moving around all the time, or making my life a vagabond of sorts. Do I wish that I had a constant circle of friends and people I love around me? Sometimes. But I'm simply not satisfied with that kind of life.

"Do not think that love, in order to be genuine, has to be extraordinary. What we need is to love without getting tired." -Mother Theresa

I also think it's amazing that at any given moment my life can be explained by a Led Zeppelin song. So cheers to rambling on, moving on, and traveling on.

I Am Officially A Lost Girl

2010-03-03T17:17:00.003-07:00

I did it! I'm lost in the best sense of the word that is. Awhile back I wrote a guest blog post for one of my favorite travel blogs. And they finally posted it!

You can check out my blog post about tattoos (similar to the one posted here on my blog with some minor changes and tips as well) at their site :

http://lostgirlsworld.com/

Comments are welcome as always!

Verbal Backdoor Trots

2010-02-23T16:56:00.000-07:00

I'm just going to put it out there that I actually put the word diarrhea into Thesaurus.com to see if I could get a more "appropriate" word if you will to follow the word verbal in my entries title. I just couldn't pass this one up because, backdoor trots? That's funny. I don't care who you are, that's good stuff.

Whenever I am preparing for a big trip, going somewhere abroad, or just a move across country I forget how undeniably annoying it is just getting ready to depart. When I first moved to Hawaii I was young and naive. Even though I was scared shitless, I entered into a program that basically held my hand every step of the way, and then I had my mom doing more or less everything else for me. She even flew out to Oahu with me for the first week, made sure I got settled into the dorms alright, ate in the dining hall with me to inspect the food, and cried endlessly when I finally said, "Okay mom...you can go now".

When I went to Spain I first experienced the pain in the ass process of going to another country for an extended period of time, and all the bullshit that comes along with getting a Visa. I mean they actually expected me to FLY to Cali to physically get my Visa. News Flash Spanish Embassy, a flight to Cali from Hawaii isn't just a hop-skip-and-a-jump over the Pacific Ocean. It's damn expensive and now they don't even feed you that rubbery chicken parmesan that I so look forward to mid-flight.

The rest of times I've been out of the country were for backpacking trips or vacations. From Bangkok to Munich all I had to do was make sure I had my passport in hand, and try to spend some serious intimate time with my backpack to make sure we understood each other.

Preparing for South Korea has proved no different to all my previous adventures. Sure it's exciting, but for the most part it just blows. Visa's, passport photos that need to be 3.5cm x 4.5 cm instead of 2 x 2, criminal background checks, recruiters, and basically any other government run agency is enough to make me throw my hands up and say "It's too hard! I'm done!”

But I don't of course because I love being outside of America. I love being in other countries. I love traveling. I love living among the locals. And most of all I love being a foreigner.

As my departure date nears closer and closer, I am overwhelmed with the possibilities of the next year. I keep thinking about how great it's going to be, how hard it's going to be, and how the heck I'm going to figure out what comes next. However, today I spent a good hour thinking about all the stuff about the good ol' US of A that I'm going to miss. And so this post serves no purpose except to list the things I'll miss, and so that I can feel all nostalgic when I re-read and re-read this post millions of times over the next year. Here goes:

- The terms "medium" or "large" when deciding how many calories/caffeine you'll put into your body via ONE drink at the local cafe
- Brunch. The love affair between breakfast and lunch. Two words that'll make my heart melt. Breakfast Sandwich.
- My door slamming open, window shades flailing open as my mom tries to "nicely" wake me up.
- A steaming cup of delicious coffee aside my bedside table to make up for so abruptly waking me up
- The use of sarcasm. Because lets face it, lost in translation is an understatement when trying to be witty and sarcastic with the locals.
- Pickles and Peanut Butter. I don't know why, but only here can I truly enjoy binge-eating pickles or spoon fulls of crunchy Skippy.
- The reliability of my own toilet. I don't know what it is about going to the bathroom in another country, but inevitably something very bad happens whether I'm prompted to push the left side of a button or pull a string to flush the toilet.
- Websites like Hulu and Pandora. The only way I was going to get caught up on LOST was to lock myself in my room for 5 days while watching back-to-back episodes starting from the first season on Hulu.
- Last but not least: Trying to teach my dad the ins and outs of recycling as he holds up an empty plastic bottle of Coke completely dumbfounded.

There are hummingbirds in Phoenix

2010-02-14T13:38:00.000-07:00

Today I had a pretty cool moment, all things considering. I was sitting outside on the patio with my cup of coffee, a fresh apple, and my chair facing directly into the sun. I probably looked more like a mental patient than anything else to the neighbors, but it's where I sat for a long time. It was almost completely silent except for my occasional slurp of coffee or crisp bite of my apple. And then all of the sudden I heard it, and I saw it, and it made me smile. A hummingbird. As simple as that. A beautiful hummingbird surrounded me, poked and prodded around the bushes and flowers in my backyard.

This struck me as a pivotal moment only because I've only seen a hummingbird a handful of times, and because it brings back some powerful memories. When I attended high school I became very close to a boy and his family. During our time together something so gruesome and terrible happened to their family, it still scares me to this day to think about. The death of their first-born child, my companion's older brother came mid-way through his senior year. It nearly destroyed his mother, and this boy was never quite the same after what had happened. The grieving months directly after I would go over to the house almost everyday to be with the boy, and to sit with his mother incase she ever wanted to talk or needed a shoulder to cry on. Mostly she just cried, but one day her spirits seemed to be a little lighter. She told me this:

"I know eventually I will get through this, that this will not define me or our family. Today I sat out on the deck in our backyard just as I do every morning, and today there was a hummingbird. Everyday before the death of my son the hummingbirds came to our feeders, flowers, and to keep me company when I would do yard-work on the deck. The day he died they stopped coming. I haven't seen a hummingbird for months. Today, a single hummingbird came and it gives me hope. I have been asking everyday for a sign that we will get through this, a symbol that things will move forward, and have yet to see anything different from our day to day grief. But today, a hummingbird came."

So needless to say, the few times I have seen a hummingbird it strikes some kind of sentimental "don't give up" kind of chord with me. And today, I needed that hummingbird. Lately I have been so consumed with anger, hatred, regret, hope and so much more that I worry it will swallow me whole and I will disappear forever. All I want to be doing right now is to be in Asia, to start my traveling again. To be happy. My travel plans have been slightly put on hold due to my now 5th surgery in less than a year. I am literally, physically, so consumed with pain that I sometimes wonder if this is causing my healing to progress so slowly. I hate the person I am because of this, I hate the person who pushed me into a decision that I never wanted and then walked away, but mostly I hate that I cannot let go. One single person, and one single sentence has since changed my life forever and will keep changing it. While this person will never quite know the damage they have done, these few moments of hope are what's getting me through this right now.

Soon my body will heal and in turn I hope my mind will heal. And I can get back to traveling and experiencing all the wonderful things that comes along with that. Everyday is a new day right? Today is a good day. Today a hummingbird came.

Como se dice "This is BOMB" en espanol?!

2010-02-04T18:25:00.000-07:00

Today I set out to do something that I do quite often...bake. I have an insane weakness for cakes, brownies, candy, anything sweet and delicious. My baking abilities have come a long way, and I've always seemed to jump over many obstacles to make that perfect batch of cookies. I once made chocolate chip cookies in my dorm oven, that didn't heat higher than 200 degrees!! It wasn't the best batch of cookies, and it took a damn long time, but it goes to show how far I will go to satisfy my enemy...My Sweet Tooth.

As I was mixing together the ingredients for the double fudge brownies (A-Mazing), I started thinking about how many delicious sweets I have experienced over the years through traveling. So I decided to try to recount and remember all the wonderful treats that I've encountered along the way, and how many yummies I'm looking forward to with my upcoming travels! Yay!

** Oahu - Haupia

When I lived on Oahu, one of the most traditional Hawaiian desserts is called Haupia. It is a coconut cream based pudding, and is most often cut in squares and served like jello. It's kind of a toss up in terms of people liking it, and I think it might be a texture thing. It does have a kind of chunky, pudding, tapioca, jello type texture. So it can be a little hard to 'swallow' needless to say. But I love it. I love almost anything coconut flavored, and this to me is always a perfect light way to finish a big meal and still have the stomach to head out to the beach rockin' that hott beach bod!

** Spain - Natilla

During my time spent in Spain, the meals and the food were overall quite disappointing. I think people go to Spain thinking that Spanish food is more like Mexican food. The Spanish actually have very bland food, and often only flavor dishes with salt and pepper. While the huge amounts of fish consumed was a little overwhelming, there was one thing I was constantly looking forward to. Natilla!! It is a common dessert and really easy to make. Every time my host mom would make it, my roommate and I would see the little cups and scream "Natilllaaaa!!!!!". It is similar to flan, and is basically a custard type dish with eggs, milk, cinimmon and most often a ginger-snap cookie baked on top. It is amazing!

** Germany - Hazelnut Ice Cream

I've traveled to Germany several times, and each time I'm there I have to stop for ice cream. Aside from their chocolate, they have the most decadent, creamy, delicious ice cream. My personal favorite is Hazelnut. With an amazing waffle cone on a nice summer day...perfect. Plus it is really fun to say! Haselnuss bitte!!!

** Italy - Gelato

Everyone knows Italy's repuation for gelato, and let me tell you first hand it definitely lives up to its reputation. Gelato in Italy is hands down the best gelato, although some gelato joints I've had in Cali and Hawaii give the country a run for their money! My favorite? Green Tea gelato or Pistaccio. Yum!

So from French pasteries to Swedish chocolate, there are many many great things around the world that make me squeel inside from enjoyment. And with my upcoming trip to South Korea, I'm definitely looking forward to experiencing what the Koreans can throw my way. Bring on the sweets baby!

Music Love Across the Universe

2010-01-24T15:27:00.000-07:00

One of the best things about traveling or just having the desire to learn about other cultures all over the world, is discovering new music. I wouldn't be able to live without music, without my ipod, or without YouTube. I believe everything in my past can be summed up by one song at any given time, and memories often stem from a certain song or a certain feeling you get when you hear a song again.

Hearing new local music while traveling, or just stumbling upon new music online gives me such an appreciation and yearning to keep traveling. When I lived in Spain I grew so attached to the sounds of Flamenco on guitar, the memories that come flooding in from hearing Flamenco are almost too much to handle. Often times I learn about artists from other people whose suggestions quite often turn to obsessions. Everyone can attest to loving The Streets from the UK at one point, I've recently been extremely fond of Lykke Li an indie artist from Sweden.

However living on Oahu for 4 years brings so many different emotions musically. It's where my love of Reggae grew, and experiencing the local island music brings a smile to my face instantly. If you know me, you know how much I enjoy listening, dancing, and singing to Reggae. You can't not have a good time at a Reggae show...and if you can't, then you're just opposed to having fun!

Which brings me to my next love affair with a 19 year old girl from Belgium named Selah Sue. Her voice, her energy and style make her so unique, I just think she's amazing. I cannot wait to see what the world will open my music eyes to when I'm on the road again. I don't know if love makes the world go 'round no more ya'll...I'm thinkin' music does.

Check her out - Selah Sue

The Waiting Game

2010-01-09T22:24:00.004-07:00

In order to travel, let alone work, in another country requires quite a bit of preparation, patience, and .... waiting.

I have been applying for some jobs to teach English in South Korea, and it has not been an easy task. Well lets just say the getting the job part is easier than actually being legal for that job. One of the requirements to be hired for a school and receive a Visa, is to have a criminal background check. Which, depending on the state you're in while applying, can be the easiest or the hardest part of applying.

Unlucky for me, it has been the hardest. And it is even harder because I was actually offered that job that asked me all those odd questions about my tattoos. So now the waiting game becomes cruicial because I have signed a contract, and have a deadline. I sent in my criminal background check about 2 months ago, and still don't have it back yet. I need to have all my documents to Korea by the 20th of January. So....I'm getting a little nervous.

I'm praying that by some act of kindness in the "system", the FBI will send my clearance my way this week and I'll have all my documents ready for Korea and can start the Visa process.

If this happens then I will start my new job in South Korea on March 3rd, and be leaving the states a week before! I cannot wait! Then 2010 will be full of adventures all over Asia.

In the meantime I wait. And wait. And wait....

The Mayonnaise Cake

2010-01-03T00:17:00.008-07:00

I sat down to dinner with the 'rents today, and it suddenly dawned on me that I should probably do some research on the types of food I'll be eating in Asia (specifically South Korea) for the next year. I wouldn't say that I'm necessarily a picky eater, but food is definitely a big part of my day and an experience. I'm kind of a health fanatic. I'm a calorie counter, and a protein FREAK. I do admit I'm a little obsessive at times about reading labels, and working out. But I enjoy running and working out a lot, so I try to bless my body with the essential nutrients because I feel so bad about beating it up so hard during a hardcore work out.

I guess I'm not really nervous about what I'll eat, I'll pretty much eat anything. But I am concerned about eating healthy, and maintain that in Korea. It will certainly be much easier because I will be living on my own, and will ultimately be responsible for what I put into my body. Which was a different story than when I was living with my host parents in Sevilla.

I will never forget it. The day I saw a sight so stunning to the eye, so churning to the stomach. It was an infamous day, a memorable one of course. I come home from school one day for lunch, starving as I was on many days because breakfast was at like the break of dawn. The Spanish have very long breaks during their meals, and it was incredibly hard to get used to. I was constantly starving in between meals, and would often hide snacks in my closet praying my host mom wouldn't find them and throw them away!

So I come in the door and see what I think is a glorious, perfectly made carrot cake. The white frosting was shining in the afternoon sun. The carrot shaving's atop in a cute little pattern. I remember bursting into my room and erupting in excitement as I told my roommate about the delicious cake we had awaiting us. Meals were a huge struggle for our particular family, as was getting used to the food my host mom made. So these little moments of pure food bliss, were always to be remembered.

However this moment was short lived as we were called to lunch by Pablo our little host brother. As we enter the kitchen the most horrible site is sitting there staring at me blank in the eye on my plate.

The Mayonnaise Cake.

Yep. Mayonnaise. If you know me you know how much I HATE mayonnaise. It's the most vile disgusting thing on Earth as far as I'm concerned. So what I thought was going to be a dream of carrot cake in my mouth, was actually an oversized, giant, mayonnaise sandwich. Otherwise dubbed, The Mayonnaise Cake. It had bread on the bottom, a layer of tomatoes, carrots and mayonnaise, another layer of bread....and this goes on stacked three layers high. I was absolutely mortified. I looked at my roommate and said in English, "Dude...I don't think I can do this one".

It ended up being the longest lunch I ever sat through. I tried to scrape off as much mayonnaise as possible and eat the veggies, but they were just swimming in it. I couldn't just leave the mayonnaise there, globbed on the side of my plate, evidence of my disapproval for my host mom to see. I was torn. Do I just suck it up and eat it, surely I could hold in the gag reflex long enough to get down one piece. The entire lunch took me almost two hours to finish. As I would take one bite and three huge gulps of water to wash it down with. I wanted to make sure I didn't disrespect my host mom, and Spanish women take a lot of pride in their "cooking", I would be just devastated if she thought I was being rude. So, it took awhile, but I got through it. And thank God my host mother never bought that again.

I think eating in a foreign country and new foods, are some of the toughest things to adapt to. It's important to try new things, discover some of the greatest foods ever made. But sometimes those discoveries turn into disasters that are lessons learned. I also tend to eat way unhealthier while traveling/living abroad. I want to try everything, I'm unfamiliar with the nutrition and cuisine, my stomach and digestion are all out of whack for awhile.

So I think I'll be doing a lot of research on Korean foods, and hopefully hitting up fresh fruit markets daily! Yum! One thing I can always look forward to leaving America, most countries have tons fresh food markets lining the streets. I'll be getting used to much smaller accommodations, and probably grocery shopping for simply what I'll want for the day instead of an entire week like here in the states.

I look forward to the Korean cuisine, a little scared about the meat dishes, but inevitably there will be another "Mayonnaise Cake" so to speak. And I don't think anything can ever compare.

Yuck!

Tattoo Taboo's

2009-12-30T12:04:00.004-07:00

I just recently had a phone interview with a prospective employer in South Korea for a teaching position. We spoke for nearly a half an hour, and I thought things were going great. I was prepared, I answered quickly and intelligently, and I ended up keeping her engaged with my own set of questions towards the end.

However, as the conversation ended something strange happened. She asked me if she could ask me a personal question, and I could chose to answer or not. I said yes of course, I mean why would I say no right? She then stated she was inclined to note on my application ( and I suppose for her own personal opinion) to ask whether or not I had any tattoos, if they were visible, and if any, what they were.

Ah dios mios. As soon as she asked I knew that this wasn't a job I was probably going to get. I do in fact have two tattoos. One in the middle of my back, and one on my right ankle. And you know the ironic thing here? I've been researching Tattoo Removal for the past few months, hoping to get the one on my ankle removed before heading to Korea. But since I have about two months before that happens, I can't really say that's actually going to happen.

My tattoos are not offensive, large, or even that intrusive. However, I do hate the one on my ankle and have wanted it removed for quite some time. It is such an internal battle for me because sometimes I go through periods of times that I feel like I could care less about my tattoos and I think they're kind of cool because they represent an experience in my life. I got them both on a trip to Thailand when I was 16. Wild right? Cool story right? Well wrong. I could care less about the one on my back merely because I never see it. The one on my ankle....eeek...I am ashamed to even say what it is out loud. A typical butterfly intertwined with a heart and blah blah blah. Typical right? Disgusting right? But hey, I was 16 and in Thailand. Although I wish I would have picked something else, and who knows what I was thinking at the time, it's there...and it ain't coming off any time soon.

So here's the dilemma. I've always had trouble in professional work environments with my ankle tattoo. Feeling that I always have to hide it, or cross my legs in a certain way so people cannot see it. Usually it's not even a problem, more of a problem for me really than an employer. However the fact that she asked, means she probably doesn't approve of them and won't hire someone with visible tattoos. Apparently she's had problems with Americans coming over having very offensive tattoos, and South Korean parents do not tend to like them. Well I don't think that they'd be offended of my silly little butterfly, but probably just the fact that its there. Since I believe the Korean culture appears to be a little more conservative than my Western American culture...I might be at a little disadvantage here. Which bottom line, sucks.

It's frustrating to me because all I want to do is be on my way to South Korea. Hopefully I'm being over-paranoid (Me?! No Way!). And hopefully my Thailand regrets (there were many other than the tattoos, haha) will not hinder my way of getting to South Korea.

I'm still counting down the days to South Korea, and counting down the days where I might have my tattoo removed, or even counting down the days where I don't care anymore. But as much as this hurts to say, you were right dad. Go ahead. Muck up my shame. :)

TEFL or not to TEFL?

2009-12-04T23:24:00.005-07:00

This question has haunted me since the beginning of my college career, when the first little thoughts flickered into my brain about teaching English abroad. Oh the in-experience of Americans wanting to run away to frolic in foreign lands. (Yes I did just say frolic).

Despite the verdict heard 'round the world, and the fear the Amanda Knox trial might instill in some American travelers, I'm still puttin' on my hiking boots and headin' out East. East Asia that is.

I've been gathering all documents possible in order to live, work, and travel in South Korea and other parts of Asia for the past two months. But along the way I have been getting little snip-its here and there from people saying I should really obtain a TEFL Online Certificate before I go over to Korea. With a certificate it is said that I will be offered more positions, a higher pay and be better off prepared to teach English. The appeal to teach in Asia for Americans is extremely high, and that I believe is for one reason. You don't have to have experience to teach! But times are becoming harder, and things for Americans might not be as easy as they once were to jet-set over to Asia for a year or two.

However now I am faced with this challenge. Do I take the TEFL Online course before I go over, do I take it and complete it while I'm over, or do I just take my chances and hope to find a job without the certificate? My main problem with taking the 100 hour online course, is that it costs money. Money that I don't have right now as I am saving every penny to pay for the amazingness that will be Asia.

I'm also hoping that in a few years time I will return to my love affair with Spain, and hopefully find a teaching position in southern Spain. And alas, just my luck, teaching in Europe is a whole other ballpark than teaching in Asia. They are actually quite competitive, they require a course, a certificate, ample amounts of teaching experience, AND they're not too keen on hiring Americans. Getting a visa to work in Europe is like getting my mother to admit when she's wrong. It just ain't gonna happen.

So do I fork up the cash, sacrifice the time, complete the course and hope that it significantly helps my job opportunities in Korea? Or do I put another coin in the slot machine and risk it?

Thoughts?

Just For Today

2009-11-17T19:07:00.004-07:00

Just for Today I will try to live through this day only, and not tackle all my problems at once. I can do something for twelve hours that would appall me if I felt that I had to keep it up for a lifetime.

Just for Today I will be happy. This assumes to be true what Abraham Lincoln said, "Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be."

Just for Today I will adjust myself to what is, and not try to adjust everything to my own desires, I will take my "luck" as it comes, and fit myself to it.

Just for Today I will try to strengthen my mind. I will study. I will learn something useful. I will not be a mental loafer. I will read something that requires effort, thought and concentration.

Just for Today I will exercise my soul in three ways: I will do somebody a good turn, and not get found out; if anybody knows of it, it will not count. I will do at least two things I don't want to do --just for exercise. I will not show anyone that my feelings are hurt; they may be hurt but today I will not show it.

Just for Today I will have a program. I may not follow it exactly, but I will have it. I will save myself from two pests : hurry and indecision.

Just for Today I will have a quiet half hour all by myself, and relax. During this half hour, sometime, I will try to get a better perspective of my life.

Just for Today I will be unafraid. Especially I will not be afraid to enjoy what is beautiful, and to believe that as I give to the world, so the world will give to me.

Where I've Been & Where I'm Going

2009-11-10T21:06:00.006-07:00

As I plan out the next adventure in my life, I've decided to re-count all the places I've been and all the places I hope to go. It is absurd how big the world is, and everyday is one day closer to my next big goal : Asia.

*Where I've Been:

Cuidad Juarez - Mexico
Sintra, Lisbon, & Setubal - Portugal
Barcelona, Madrid, Malaga, Sevilla, Cordoba, Granada, Cadiz, Ronda, Nerja, Jerez - Spain
Paris - France
Florence - Italy
Koln, Marburg, Frankfurt, Ingoldstadt, Munich - Germany
Zurich - Switzerland
Luxembourg City - Luxembourg
Bangkok - Thailand
The Bahamas

*Where I'm going (in Asia):

Seoul - South Korea
Hong Kong, Beijing - China
Tokyo - Japan
Philippines
Indonesia
India

I have been to most of the southern parts of Europe, but am hoping to get to so so so much more. I am absolutely in love with Europe. And I can't wait to go everywhere up North, and then over to the UK. (I'm dying to go to Scotland!). But as I plan all this traveling, I have to keep a little perspective going, and bring myself back down to reality too sometimes. I'm hoping to accomplish Asia in the next year. And from Asia it seems only plausible (and EXTREMELY exciting) to hit up Australia and New Zealand too.

So....South Korea is next and I'm working hard to get there. I can't even begin to think about Africa or South America, I want to go everywhere! In the next year I believe I can accomplish Asia and that's just what I'm planning on doing.

“For my part, I travel not to go anywhere, but to go. I travel for travel’s sake. The great affair is to move.” – Robert Louis Stevenson

Nachos Anyone?

2009-11-04T23:54:00.000-07:00

So. Since the last time I posted (still trying to get used to keeping up with the actual writing of the blog), I have been brain-storming like crazy. A world tour?! By myself?! It's going to take a lot of preparation and planning on my part. BUT, I do have a solution and a first destination.

Korea.

Yep. If you know me you're probably wondering..."Kate, YOU are going to ASIA?" Yeah yeah yeah, we all know I lived on Oahu for quite some time and was a little..."confused" you could say with the Asian culture at times.

But Korea seems like the perfect place to start to see the world, not to mention a great place to earn a living as a foreigner to save up for the rest of my journey. I owe a lot of this spark of excitement to my good friend Nacho. Don't ask about the name, just accept it. Love it. Roll with it.

I will have to elaborate on this Mission Korea plan a lot in the next few postings. But for now I am so overwhelmed with the amount of paper work and documents I need to collect in order to obtain a Visa to even be allowed in Korea. I apparently need my college diploma (am I sure I graduated?!)...well I can't be too sure because I can't seem to find my actual diploma. You know, the real one. Not the fake piece of paper they give you while you walk across the stage. SO, if I can't find my real one I have to order a replacement. Which could take up to 10-14 weeks the girl told me at UH. And if I know Hawaiian Time....it just ain't gonna be anywhere near 10-14 weeks. So I'm a little worried about that.

My time frame is February and/or March of next year to actually be in Korea working. So yes, that does give me about 3-4 months. However, with the ordering of the diploma and the criminal background check that takes weeks as well, I just hope I can get it all done. And done right. If it's anything like the Visa I had to obtain to study in Spain...whew....I'm in for the long hall of frustrating phone calls, angry emails, and dis functional faxes.

Nacho and I went to high school together back in Eureka. He's been living in Korea now for over a year, and loves it. It's kind of cheating because he's half Korean, but hey, gotta take advantage of those roots. But he has successfully sold a great allusion to life in Korea. Count me in!

I have a plan. I have a first destination. I have a time frame. And I have Nacho. That's all I need to get this kick ass World Adventure started.

Thoughts?

~Constructive Thinking~

2009-10-26T09:21:00.000-07:00

So I woke up this morning feeling really confused, angry, and....old. Yep. Old. I know what you're thinking. I am only 24, coming up fairly soon on 25 haha. But I'm old. Bottom line. I tried to lay in bed for awhile before getting up for coffee to figure out why it is I feel this way. The answer to feeling confused and angry are easy actually, and that in some way is comforting. I'm confused about why in the last month what I thought my life was going to be just suddenly came crashing down because of one person. And I'm angry because how dare I let all my dreams and hopes rely on one person who can so easily bring them down?

But the answer to feeling old took me a little while longer to figure out. Here is how I figure it, and hopefully how I propose to fix it (cross your fingers). I went to high school, and a few months later attended college. Although I did transfer colleges a few times, I graduated with a degree I was rather interested in. I travelled as much as I could in college, and even studied abroad. So I did everything right....right? In life it seems everything is laid out for us in some sort of a time-line. High school, college, career, marriage, kids...maybe. But what if, I don't want a career? What if this whole time I've been thinking I'll just float along in life, dreaming of new things, and hope that someday something (or someone) will just up and grab me and that'll be my answer? Well I think it's safe to say that whatever life I thought I had floated onto, has just informed me that I will no longer be continuing on that path....and will have to create a new one.

Me?! Create my OWN life...ewwww. That sounds really friggin' hard if you ask me. But I've been brainstorming, and even though I feel really old this morning, I gather I'll be feeling even older if I don't start makin' moves so to say. So I'm just going to say it. Hopefully saying it will lead to actually trying to do it.

I am going to travel the world! Really...I am. That's going to be my career. Yes I am aware it is expensive, dangerous, and a lot of work. But what if I do make traveling my career? Initially I figure I'll have to save a big chunk of change to get me started. But once I'm off, flying to another country, I hope to travel my way as long as I can. Either until my money runs out, or until I find whatever it is I'm looking for. I can elaborate on my plan later, but wanted to actually get it out on paper so I can come to the realization that this is something I'm working towards.

When I was living on Oahu, I lived right on the beach on the 18th floor of a building called the Trade Winds. My roommate and I used to stand by our balcony and watch the people below, or the sunrise or set. It used to be a running joke we had, but whenever I would come up to the balcony I would scream, " Hello World!" at the top of my lungs. Well now I think I'll take that quite literally.

Hello World. Goodbye desolation.

Please Don't Take These Memories From Me

2009-10-24T21:06:00.000-07:00

During my last backpacking trip through Europe, I had an amazing time. I was happy in many of the moments I spent in Europe, until the end....So before I cover up my moments with anger, regret, resentment, or despair, I want to write down the memories that weren't these things. I will write the place, and a sentence to trigger the most memorable moments. But nothing more or nothing less, because at this time it's all I can do without breaking down.

1. Paris - The best dinner with the best company.

2. Madrid - Finding my way back around the city, proving to you I am a Spanish speaker.

3. Malaga - Absolute perfection. Meeting the Swedish King, Falafal City, Running to the Castle, each other.

4. Sevilla - The Longest Bike Ride Ever.

5. Ronda - Botz (Crazy Englishmen) The coolest hostel I've ever stayed at.

6. Switzerland - Non-existent.

7. Ingolsdat- Home for you, comfort for me. New friends, exciting endeavors.

8. Munich - Losing you.

Either way the end of the day will find me....

2009-10-14T18:23:00.000-07:00

....and I can't quite figure out what is worse, the end of the day or the beginning. However in this rare moment of clarity, as I'm sure it will pass, I will be calm just for a minute. Maybe tomorrow I will be calm for a minute longer, an hour, maybe for today.

And just for today I will be agreeable. I will look as well as I can, dress becomingly, keep my voice low, be courteous, criticize not one bit. I won't find fault with anything, nor try to improve or regulate anybody but myself. But just for today.

Day One- of the rest of my life

2009-10-08T16:00:00.000-07:00

So, I'm fairly new to all this blogging hoopla, but I'm hoping by jumping on the band wagon of blogging will help me rediscover how amazing the world is. I have moved back home for a little while to "find myself" if you will. The life I thought I was going to have, the person I thought it was going to be with....is no longer. Everyone has experienced this kind of bump in the road, this kind of complete and utter heart break, this kind of devastating loss. But my question is, how do we go on from this? How do we keep going when it seems there is nothing on the horizon?

It is easy to say, 'find yourself', 'find a passion', now it is time to find what makes you happy. But what if the answer to that question is I DON'T HAVE A CLUE! Is the rest of my life going to be a series of these wonderful moments that eventually come to an extreme halt, and have to rebuild time and time again? Is it worth it?

So I've decided today will be the first day of the rest of my life. I hope that with this blog I can revisit this time in my life where I thought that I could not go on. A month, 6 months, a year from now I can look back at where I was and appreciate where I'm going. I hope and dream that I can make it out of this hole, that my life can be recounted with the people I encounter on here, and the personal progress I've made by inviting the world to share our dreams.

The one thing I love about life is how there always seems to be a perfect song to represent exactly what you're going through. As raw and bitter as this song is, no matter how sad or hopeless it is, it's how I feel. And I will embrace it. I will accept it.

'Love Will Tear Us Apart'/Susanna and The Magical Orchestra

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sHhVydgvuAc